The good and the ugly.

Good

The editor of The West Australian "newspaper" has resigned. Hurrah. Mayhap WA will have an actual newspaper again one day. I've heard that when he started he instructed staff to only write articles that were controversial and anything that wasn't defined at controversial was to be made controversial, and all else (ie. 'news') excluded.


Bizarre

a) Medals of Freedom given to the guys who helped Bush start a war. Freedom... War... Ah! What's the diff!

b) Little Johnny Howard being called 'the man of steel'.










Ah! What's the diff!


Great

My holiday! Didn't get to do as much as I'd planned sightseeing-wise (hey, there's always next time!) but had lots of fun and it all went too quickly. Am looking forward to my next holiday now. More! More! More! I was totally spoiled and loved it. Went to some great shindigs, got some lovely Chrissy prezzies and had all sorts of bizarre and unique offers New Year's Eve (some of which could have lead to my arrest had I agreed). So, much fun was had (and additionally contemplated) all round. Lucky, lucky me.


Hope you all are having a lovely start to the new year.

Holidays

Well, I will be leaving Perth in a couple of days for a few weeks away so this is just a heads up that my blogging opportunities may be slim. We'll see. Hopefully I'll be back next year at the least and with some more interesting blogging ahead - 'not difficult' I hear you say. ...or is that the voice in my head? you know... the one with the high-pitched whine... Um. Anyway...

Mind you. I'm flying Qantas, so I might just get cracked on the noggin as it drops momentarily in the sky, get sucked out of the side as a piece of fuselage falls away, or explode in a ball of flames. In any of these cases my blog may be quiet for a while.

And while I'm on the subject of safety and flying, can I say that I don't understand the sense in not allowing weapons in one's carry-on luggage. If you want people to be safe from a few terrorists with Stanley blades then let all passengers carry their nail files, scissors, sporks, screwdrivers and machetes on board. That way the terrorists will be outnumbered and overcome by a swarm of tourists, businessmen and cranky travelling toddlers with a cache of savage weaponry in hand. Hence minimal tragedy.

Really. There's just no common sense these days.


Happy holidays all!

And in the news today...*

1.
An insane murderer is allowed to drive a taxi in Melbourne.

The Public Transport Minister, Lynne Kosky, says she can not guarantee a man who stabbed his wife to death can be prevented from driving taxis in Melbourne. The man was acquitted of murder on the grounds of insanity.

The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal recently granted him a taxi licence against the advice of the Director of Public Transport.

Ms Kosky is vowing to change the law to prevent similar cases. "Now it will be mandatory refusal for anyone who has either a conviction, or if they're found not guilty by reason of insanity, so that will be now included in the legislation."

Gosh. Now isn't that a good idea.

But Ms Kosky says her options are limited in the current matter. "As a result of this decision we are fixing the legislation going forward," she said. "We will look at every avenue of appeal so that I can actually fix that difficulty, so that everybody can feel safe when they hop in a cab. That's what I want to be able to guarantee."

Yes. Please do 'fix that difficulty'.

(Note: On my list of things to do in the next couple of months is:
a) fly Qantas
b) ...to Melbourne)


2.
Now, staying in Victoria but leaving the shoddy decision-making skills of the The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal for the abysmal decisions the Migration Review Tribunal, we find that the country doctor with the Down Syndrome son - who "is the only internal medicine specialist servicing 20,000 people in Horsham" and the community is desperate for him to stay and who pays for the extra costs of his son's care - is still going to be kicked out of Australia.

Dr Bernhard Moeller and his family have had their application for residency in Horsham refused because of the costs associated with the care of their son...

Onya Victoria. Your tribunals are doing just fantastic work.

(now it's up to Federal Minister Chris Evans to intervene.)


3.
Most surprising news is the opinion that something in the area of telecommunications will be ruined if Telstra DOES NOT participate.

(The Liberal Party is nuts.)


4.
Lastly, there's news of a US company: Puck Technology.

What do you think they do? Something in the area of R & D concerning hockey pucks? Plastic surgery perhaps? Maybe they develop and manufacture funny little complex digital thingamees that do stuff in other complex electrical thingamees...? Or... sell Whizzinators!

Ah, Whizzinators! you say. Yes. Surely they are some great new kitchen gadget! Perfect for a Christmas present! Or maybe some new high-tech machine I can use in the garden. Or... maybe it's

the Whizzinator penis - a lifelike device used to emit clean, realistically warm urine instead of the user's true urine.

Indeed! The perfect Christmas present for Ben Cousins. It comes with "its own heating and Yellow River urine packs". Although, the president and vice-president of Puck Technology - Gerald and Robert - have just experienced some difficulties of their own.

Two men who sold prosthetic penises enabling drug cheats to give fake urine samples have pleaded guilty to conspiracy in the United States, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported.

Puck Technology has stopped operating, the report said.

The thing is (no, not that thing, this thing; don't get distracted), I don't really understand why they were charged with conspiracy. Surely they didn't claim the penises were real...

(Maybe they'll see this as an opportunity to enter the market for jumbo-sized models for men aiming to impress at the urinals. Um. It's perhaps a somewhat small market...)


* I suppose this post heading could have read 'And in the news today... a bunch of dicks.'

Hierocles & Philagrius walk into a bar...

Just when Lad Litter was wondering who to turn to for Obama humour - surely quite a dearth of material after the overwhelming, generosity of Bush (see last post) - it looks as though we just need to look a lot further... back:

Ancient Greeks pre-empted Dead Parrot sketch

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it."

For those who believe the ancient Greeks thought of everything first, proof has been found in a 4th century AD joke book featuring an ancestor of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch where a man returns a parrot to a shop, complaining it is dead.

The 1,600-year-old work entitled "Philogelos: The Laugh Addict," one of the world's oldest joke books, features a joke in which a man complains that a slave he has just bought has died, its publisher said Friday.

"By the gods," answers the slave's seller, "when he was with me, he never did any such thing!"

In a British comedy act Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch, first aired in 1969 and regularly voted one of the funniest ever, the pet-shop owner says the parrot, a "Norwegian Blue," is not dead, just "resting" or "pining for the fjords."

The English-language book will appeal to those who swear that the old jokes are the best ones. Many of its 265 gags will seem strikingly familiar, suggesting that sex, dimwits, nagging wives and flatulence have raised laughs for centuries.


In many of the jokes, a slow-witted figure known as the "student dunce" is the butt of the jokes. In one, the student dunce goes to the city and a friend asks him to buy two 15-year-old slaves: No problem,' responds the dunce. If I don't find two 15-year-olds, I'll get one 30-year-old.'

In another, someone asks to borrow the student's cloak to go down to the country. "I have a cloak to go down to your ankle, but I don't have one that reaches to the country," he replies.

The manuscript is attributed to a pair of ancient comedians called Hierocles and Philagrius. Little is known about them except that they were most likely the compilers of the jokes, not the original writers.

Philagrius: So, there's this woman out hunting moose...

Hierocles: Hunting what?

Philagrius: Look, doesn't matter, she's cute.

Hierocles: Oh, ok. Continue.

Philagrius: So she's out with her gun...

Hierocles: Her what?!

Philagrius: Just go with me on this, Hiero. She's got her really big gun out, and from behind a tree steps a former President's intern, and she says, you think that's a big...

Hierocles: Oh, this is the cigar joke again isn't it. *sighs* I wish you'd get some new material Phil.

Useless Information! (Ears, Segues, Segways & Tequila)

1. You can make diamonds from tequila. And they're small and useless. Apparently even more useless than the ones used for jewellery - although, I'm thinking if you could rehydrate them somehow, they'd actually be far superior...


2. From Mexican scientists to sentimental scientists: The little Phoenix bot on Mars has gone nighty-night now due to the lack of solar power and the cold. Of course, brave little thing, it had actually soldiered on - sending info and pictures of snowfall (!) back to Earth - for much longer than expected.

Glen Nagle, a spokesman for the Canberra Deep Space Communication complex said "this little spacecraft" may still survive the cold however, and it has a wee program on board call 'Lazarus mode' which will allow it to call home if it gets enough power. He added:

"I actually find them quite amazing in terms of their resilience, their ability to actually last far longer than we ever expected. And for their human controllers here on Earth, [they are] quite attached to these spacecraft because it just shows sort of tenacity to keep on operating far beyond their lifetime."

Phoenix is already being missed by not just the scientists. The robot's personal Facebook page and blog has been inundated with farewell wishes.

The last message text message sent to 30,000 Phoenix fans via the robot's own Twitter mobile phone account was written in binary and translated to "triumph", with a heart shaped emoticon.

Cause robots have feelings too.





No they don't.



Anyway.


3. There's good news re the global financial crisis (yes, rly!). Well... for some locals of United Arab Emirates at least.

Emiratis have fretted for years over the loss of their culture, as social norms became more a product of the newcomers than of the nationals. Now, some are pinning their desires for a cultural salvation on the global economic downturn, which they hope will reduce the numbers of foreigners pouring into their country and give them a chance to reassert their customs and way of life.

“This is a blessing; we needed it,” Abdul Khaleq Abdullah, a political science professor at United Arab Emirates University, said of the fiscal crisis. “The city needs to slow down and relax. It’s good for the identity of our country.

A blessing indeed, as it may be the end of such images as this:





4. Obama's election victory, however, is not all good news. Quite depressing to some actually.

"Obama's election is great for our country but bad for comedy," said Michael Musto, a columnist for New York City's Village Voice. "He is an earnest, intelligent person trying to rescue a country in crisis and that's not all that hilarious."

Well, perhaps they could put Bush and Palin in charge of something like NASA or the FDA. Nothing like legally doped up astronauts hooning about the atmosphere to create comedic inspiration.

And hey, they could launch the first moose in space!



Of course, Sarah Palin would just go and shoot it down...


5. More presidential news: Peru has offered a hypo-allergenic dog to the Obamas (their daughter being allergic and all).

Claudia Galvez... director of the Friends of the Peruvian Hairless Dog Association.Galvez has a 4-month-old pedigree puppy to send to the Obama family. For now, she is calling it Ears because it has two large, perky ones.

"But if we send it to the United States, its official name will be Machu Picchu," she said, referring to the ancient Incan citadel, Peru's top tourist attraction.

Sticky-out ears eh?

This is sure to happen (you know the old chestnut, dogs look like owners and all that)!













Awww. They're both adorable if you ask me.

Dressing as Putin for Halloween. Boo. Eeek.

Some scary facts to scare you for Halloween:

Russia's political leadership has undergone a total ideological transformation over the past decade. Long gone is its co-operation with the US and the EU. Instead, its leadership now emphasises its ideological hostility to the West. Somewhat like China, ultra-nationalism, suspicion of foreigners and a restoration of state power have become the regime ideology.

Russia has increased its military budget by almost 500% since 2000. Making it the second biggest military spender.

Just as scary: The biggest spender is China. (And who knows just how much they're bloody spending as they always lie about it. "Trick or treat?" Trick. Trick. Tricky.)

Still scary: Both Russia and China are spending these great wads of cash on modernising their nuclear weaponry. Modernising. Making dem a lot betta. So much so that they'll have a more superior, efficient and secure nuclear force than the US within the next decade. (Although this week the US saw it might need to start modernising... somehow... Uh. Can we do it without testing????)


And a couple of guys writing in the US journal The National Interest, also note that Russia is happily testing out their capabilities with large scale military exercises. (Practice makes perfect!). Of course China joins in on these too. So nice to see nations playing together.
Oh, and back onto what the guys have said: the US nuclear deterrent could lack credibility if Russia gets ahead of them... Such a weakening of US might would have terrible consequences for Japan and South Korea (and possibly us!) as they rely greatly on the US for their security.

Mind you... The same journal also says, "Russia’s present financial difficulties are likely to force Moscow to accelerate economic integration with the West, which will force the Kremlin to moderate its foreign policy." Their stock market as fallen by 70% since May, and the "ruble has lost two year’s worth of appreciation".
So, we may finally be able to say, 'Yay for the economic crisis!'
Unless it just levels us all out of course, and the West weakens just as much...

Um...

OK. Well let's just talk scary North Korea...!

(Fingers crossed Kim Jong-il will be garbed as a ghost this year!)

It's just a flesh wound!!!!!!!!!

Well, thank goodness I began my new routine of regularly meditating before all the kerfuffle of this global financial crisis and ere I had to listen overly much to the cheesy drivel of a persistently winking Sarah Palin. Urgh. And then I also had to focus on my breathing and tend to the stress of my emotions when McCain was prowling around in the last debate, acting for all intents like a used car salesman (as my mum rightly noted... and in the harsh tones of one who has no regular meditation routine).

Terrible (and under-reported) findings of the CCC (re Mallard and WA police), prison riots and even perhaps the fear of flying Qantas lately, fade into the background when our market and dollar are dipping into the plunge pool, Iceland (which may possibly be sued the by UK) is drowning alongside other uncertain doggy-paddling nations, and economists are as confused as the actual workings of the financial markets.

*Ohmmmm* At least I don't live in the US... *Ohmmmm* ...with a mortgage, potential job(s) loss and no real health care... *Ohmmmm* ...with a current national public debt of $10,245,247,740,307.58

Today I read (on a US site)-

The U.S. Government now borrows nearly $10 million every minute. This is precisely why our national debt crossed the $10 trillion threshold for the first time. The famous “National Debt Clock” in Times Square has run out of digits forcing the operator, the Durst Organization, to remove the dollar sign and replace it with the number “1.” The Durst Organization is now refurbishing the clock to allow up to one quadrillion dollars...

It may, however, be of some benefit that few in the US would even know what a quadrillion is.

(It's a thousand trillion. Comforting to know a debt of 100 times the current one is being prepared for...)


*Ohmmmmmmmmm*

Musical Chairs

How much is Aussie politics like a game of musical chairs lately?
Goodbye Brendon, you move to that seat at the back there. Hello Malcolm, you take his chair and now choose who'll be in the front bench chairs next to you... no, hang on, wait for the music to stop!


In NSW the craziness has continued as a leader (of sorts) has gone too, along with some mates, and their chairs filled by a new lot (oh, but we've changed our mind about the guy dancing in his underwear and 'titty f**king' a female associate - after a mere three days he has no chair at all now... I'm sure he'll find something to dance to though... maybe next budget night... if there's a full moon...).

And there's been a cacophony of music about the place in WA. Carpenter's chair is now one at the back and scary Eric Ripper has taken the leader's seat along with some young newby at his side (after some 'deal' reached between factions... sneaky). And of course both parties have all swapped chairs after the music stopping for about a week whilst the Nationals' leader Grylls hummed quietly to himself, keeping everyone on the edge of whatever seats they could find after the hung parliament.



Back to national politics. Turnbull seems to be aiming at being known less as 'the fierce guy' and more as 'The Giggler' if the 7.30 Report last night was anything to go by.* His technique in interviews will obiously be to laugh at any questions he doesn't like and thereby avoid them entirely (kinda like the Dalai Lama).

(Heh. An obvious comparison, and quite common.)

Another guy having a wee chuckle lately is Peter Costello. Who's a happy chap then, eh? An earlier game of musical chairs had him quickly grabbing one far to the back. A much lesser seat than the big leadership chair, but does it bother him? No! He's never been more popular! By sitting back and grinning he's had the party begging him for months to save them and be leader! But even with this last game of musical chairs he hasn't budged. Instead he's cheerily yakking about his book at every opportunity, and dancing a shifty side-step whenever he's pushed as to whether he'll ever park his behind in The Big Chair... Ever... Never? Maybe? Kinda..? Well... He won't really say (ever, never, maybe...) but he's happy to sit back and see how badly the party does without him at the helm. Ha! They should have saved him a seat earlier on! This'll teach 'em!!!



* Although I think we can keep 'self obsessed' in there. Malcolm does love to hear himself ramble!

Micromanaging in the chaos

On Denton's 'Elders' last night, Bob Hawke reminded me of a recent post of mine when he said: "There are no great political leaders around." He also noted the depressingly obvious world situation of overpopulation/poverty/women's education, food shortages and climate change... and how our moral compass seems to be somewhat screwed as news of Paris Hilton becomes a priority over such issues.


But what I wanted to blog about was when he went into his 'political-voice' to make a point. Denton asked him about how one deals with being PM.

Well by making sure it’s not the work of one man. Look at the duration with Carter, President Carter. Insisted on supervising who was going to be using the White House tennis court. Come on. I mean it’s a question of prioritisation and delegation and if you haven’t got that capacity for prioritisation and delegation then you’ll be on the road to the bin.

Am I alone in thinking he may be giving a hint to Rudd? Everyone knows he's a micromanager. As John Lyons reported in The Australian in late June, Rudd's office is "chronically under-experienced... in a state of disarray, largely reflecting a leader who on the surface appears to always be in control, but is, in fact, becoming so locked into micromanaging that around him chaos is breaking out." He also noted that unlike Hawke, who was "surrounded by an A-team of political operators, all of whom could - and did- say no to Hawke on occasions", Rudd's advisers are yes men and two of the three are highly inexperienced (and increasingly rude, especially Harris and especially to female reporters - but he even has abused a leading Labor frontbencher). One article concluded:

The lack of experience around Rudd is becoming an issue.

Jordan's only experience before joining Rudd six years ago was to work for "a Queensland MP"; his official CV doesn't even identify that MP. Yesterday, Harris did not know who the MP was.

Harris's CV says that as well as working in Labor headquarters in the 2004 election campaign and briefly for Robert McClelland and Swan, he has worked "for other community-based campaigns".

One senior government staffer said: "You've got no idea of the level of paranoia in Rudd's office at the moment. Kevin doesn't know half of what's going on."

So besieged has the office become that it took several attempts to even receive confirmation that Jordan and Harris are 28. Their ages do not appear on their CVs.

Rudd's third adviser is...

his chief of staff, David Epstein. [But...] It's the ticking time bomb of the PM's office. Epstein is married to Sandra Eccles, who was promoted three months after the Rudd Government's election to run the Canberra office of lobbying firm Government Relations Australia.

Epstein admitted to The Australian this week that he was forced to call in a witness to a conversation with car giant Mitsubishi because of a possible conflict of interest with his wife's firm.

It adds yet another problem to an already troubled office. The Prime Minister has an angry public service, an increasingly alienated media, and a chief of staff who more than likely will have to call in more witnesses as his wife's clients chase what they're paying big money for: to influence the people in the Government who make the decisions.

But really, Lachlan Harris wins:

Another female journalist recalls talking to Harris on his landline when his mobile rang. He told whoever was calling: "I'm on the other line, let me just piss this other call off." The woman about to be pissed off listened with dismay. "He would have known I could hear," she says.

The Sun-Herald's Kerry-Anne Walsh also experienced the Harris blowtorch. Walsh tracked down several members of a family who disputed Rudd's story that Rudd and his mother had been evicted from a property and were forced to sleep in a car on the side of a road. The family named by Rudd was outraged. One of the daughters of the farmer alleged to have evicted the Rudds said of Kevin Rudd: "He's dragged our father's proud reputation through the mud time and time again."

Because the versions were so different, Walsh sent some questions to Rudd via Harris. The response from Harris was nuclear. According to a version in The Sydney Morning Herald, which Walsh has confirmed, Harris began "ranting like a lunatic", claimed Rudd would "hit the roof" and if the paper published, which it did, "we'll have 100 people ready to roll tomorrow morning to trash you and your paper".

The treatment of women by Rudd's office has now become an issue. One female reporter told how Harris walks into her office and goes straight past her to discuss a story she has written.

On one occasion she went and stood between the bureau chief and Harris and said: "Hey Lachlan, I wrote the story!"

That bit in bold is rather interesting I think. Reminds me of yesterday's post. Obviously threats are the go in the Rudd government.

Of course, this post in part began with how the media values celebrity news over serious issues, so one can't really embrace the media wholeheartedly, but still... those that are trying to report on political issues (even if they occasionally go for the dramatic angle - all too easy with such as Belinda Neal around!) should be treated with some respect. It's not wise for a government to get the media offside.

Rudd's To Do list

As noted by Lenore Taylor, Rudd and pals actually have "too much substance, too much policy fibre for the electorate to digest in just one electoral term." Although they can be accused of spin in that they are doing the early Blair government mistake of daily announcing some new message as they aim to impress themselves upon the 24-hour news cycle, they actually are doing heaps behind the scenes but just not talking about it enough. It seems they are either stuck in a pre-election/opposition approach... or just think us lot are really dense and have minuscule attention spans. I am quite offended and/or disappointed. Give us "a statesmanlike prime minister with big ideas and the courage to back them"! Yes! We want that! Don't talk to us like a bunch of children who prefer to watch 30 second commercials rather than the main program.


Anyway. His to do list:

The emissions trading regime, with its price ramifications for households, drivers, businesses, farmers, exporters and, well, pretty much everybody in the country really, would probably be enough new policy to be getting on with all on its own.

But then there's a complete review of the tax system and all the payments people get from government.

Oh, and an industry policy review, which takes in everything they pay to business.

And through the Council of Australian Governments they are reworking all the payments they make to the states as well.

So, ol' Ruddster is doing plenty. And that he will take on such things (unlike Howard) is why we love him. But Lenore is obviously as frustrated as me that he keeps singing and dancing - and a new routine every day! - when he just needs to speak sensibly about the important work he's doing. Tell us about the long-term hard work. We can handle it!

Has he considered that voters' increasing disappointment (though, not disillusionment) could be due to such an approach? That people may need to be reminded of the work he is doing instead of daily bits and pieces?

As Georges's article today notes:

Like most Australians, Liberal voter Jon Warner was prepared to give the fresh-faced Mr Rudd a fair go when he replaced Mr Howard as prime minister.

The advertising director from Sydney's northern beaches was impressed by Mr Rudd's early move to ratify the Kyoto Protocol - a "nice bit of PR" - and the apology to the Stolen Generations. "His heart's in the right place," the 44-year-old Mr Warner said.

But over the past few months, he has grown increasingly sceptical of Mr Rudd's frenetic leadership style. "There's all the bells and whistles but not a lot of content - he's the master of the 30-second grab." His mate Luke Cook, 27, who also works in advertising, said the word on the street is: "Kevin 07, Mistake 08."

Give us the headline act Mr Rudd. We're tired of ads.

Take note

If you're going to try and "placate carers angry about the budget", and you're in an elected position... then it's probably not a good idea to park your ministerial car in a disabled spot at the time.

B is for...?

The budget may be requiring "tough decisions" (and no bunnies out of bonnets), but surely there are also tough decisions for voters of Big Brother housemates'!*

Yes. I have just watched almost an entire episode of Big Mouth. Never managed to watch one of its previous incarnations as BB Up Late (the only snippets I caught once were of males bragging about female prey they had caught: "Yeah, mate. She really wanted me." etc, etc, with details too gory to repeat. That was enough for me.) But, of course, tonight Paul McDermott and I are too excited to sleep on Budget Eve (yes, I saw a bit of Good News Week too, oh the shame of admitting to all this Channel 10 viewing when surely you'd pictured me permanently glued to good ol' wholesome Aunty/ABC (with a bit of oh-so-raunchy SBS on the side... (and I'm just talking about the banter between its news hosts (riveting!)))).


Anyway, in case you missed it, here's some highlights:


One guest was Angela Conway from the Australian Family Association. (Egad, I'm yawning just typing that!) Yes, the audience was as thrilled as you would expect (and yes, this show has an audience - grown men did 'woo hoo!' in a loud and exuberant fashion). Being a kind of expert she confidently explained that it was 'not suitable' to put 17 year old Corey on the show because it has 'put him in the spotlight'. Yes. Poor Corey. By getting an agent and organising an 'east coast party tour', you know, which he had to 'postpone' due to 'media commitments', you could tell that he's really been trying to avoid that spotlight thing.



Another guest was newly-evicted Saxon. Oh, Saxon. Gosh. Won't you be missed. He looks like beefy, tattooed Popeye but with a Kewpie Doll head.

It's lovely to know that he's changed from being a bigoted skinhead to a... uh... ummm....


Well, anyway... In the house he brightened up the conversations:

Saxon: "I was like, so close to getting a swastika tattooed on me"
Flabbergast housemate: "Shut u-u-up!"
Saxon: "Yeah man. ... Full on lucky I didn't..."


Also re housemate Dixie - rather musically: "Baa baa fat chick, Dixie is a fool."


Just endearing really.


Thankfully Dixie, although often whingey, has some sense occasionally: "I'm in a house with a bunch of fuckwits."

Indeed...



Saxon also seriously and quite cleverly pointed out to the female host (Rebecca Wilson? who knows... the hosts are that engaging they're near invisible) re his 'cheeky' behaviour with the lads: "It's what boys do. I mean you're a woman, you should understand that."

Uh... yeah...


And what would this BB show be without some nudity (...well, non-existent one would guess)! So, we get to perve *cringes* on narcissistic Rory stripping off to flaunt his manhood (and I use the term 'man' oh so generously) next to Dixie. "You happy you saw dick Dixie?" Not getting quite the reaction he'd hoped for: "I don't want to see your penis. You're like my brother." (Uh, pre-pubescent?)


Other sexual areas of discussion include housemates revealing exciting locales of their (either few or hyperbolically numerous) sexual exploits. And when I say exciting...

I don't mean it.


The panelists also define Nathan (who apparently is quite the honey... but I have (and I proudly admit this) not watched enough of Big Brother to even confidently identify who Nathan is, so this quality of his has gone entirely unrecognised) as "a cryer". Yes. The women have obviously pondered upon him in a profound fashion during their quiet moments and have concluded that he would be the type to cry after sex.

...!


Had enough yet?

But I haven't told you how one guest described 'old nanna' Terri!: "She's no Madonna." (No kiddin'.)

And that the panelists, although they hated Corey to start with, now think he's "a really nice kid"! (Although, one of them was momentarily sensible: "Throwing things at Corey sounds like a great way to spend time!")

Or even how they liked Ben at the start, cause he was all intelligent and that, but now they see there might be a 'dark side' to Ben, that he's 'a bit NQR' (yep. she said 'NQR'. obviously up to speed with the youth of today. impressive.) and that he's actually "not a very nice person... not a very lovely boy". Oh gosh, oh dear. Could that be due to comments such as (re very-blonde Brigette, and in front of very-blonde Brigitte): "I was surprised that a girl with her looks had only been tapped once."

Well, as one half of the barely noticeable hosts said: "You've gotta be completely shallow."

Indeed. And splashing in the shallow end can be somewhat useful when you've been overloaded with depressing news (personal and global) along with the very wonderful and important but even more depressing Four Corners.
So 'on ya!' empty-headed entertainment and the momentarily distracting triviality of Big Bother Brother (look, Brigette is weeping uncontrollably cause she can't wear her own clothes! Oh my!)! And, as Big Mouth concluded:

"VOTE EARLY! VOTE OFTEN!!!"

* Yes. A Big Brother post. Oh!!! Will the (whatever is remaining) dignity of my blog ever survive!?!!!!!

NELSON HITS HARD.. with cute wittle wabbit!

I must say, I love the title of an article in The Age online this afternoon:

Nelson rabbits on about Rudd

I think someone's feeling a little cocky after their achievement of (woo hoo!!) double figures in the latest poll (Preferred PM: Nelson up 1% to 10%; Rudd 71%):

"Mr Rudd, a little bit like the old cartoon character Crusader Rabbit, has gone from the bionic eye and one-stop childcare in 2020, to now telling us that he suddenly wants to see tax reform in Australia,'' Dr Nelson said.

Hmm. Could this be because of a 2020 summit which considered ideas for the future on the weekend?

(And doesn't Crusader Rabbit look really, really cute!!! Look at him there! Chest all puffed out, ears perky and eyes wide with enthusiasm! Gosh. To be compared with that will hurt Rudd's popularity!)





Look out. He has another strong point to make:

"It's worth remembering that the last significant reform to Australian taxation, that was undertaken by John Howard and Peter Costello, was vehemently opposed by Mr Rudd. "On the day that the Goods and Services Tax was introduced, Mr Rudd said it was a day of fundamental injustice."

He considers adding a new tax to an archaic and overly complex tax system "significant reform".


Why oh why do they let him speak?


And why oh why did they make him leader?


I can only think that the Lib's plan has been: to have a weak leader after such a strong leader as Howard, in order to make the guy that comes after him (ie. their real next leader) look really good by comparison.

Nelson has probably actually been encouraged to swing on playground equipment and to sing (literally) his own praises on radio (and will I ever get that darn "You and Brendan Nelson!!!!" ditty out of my head?!!).

I don't think there's ever been any kind of poll that's put Nelson as the most popular choice for leader. In fact, Mr Mostly 7-9% was achieving these figures immediately after the election when there was a poll regarding who should be the next Liberal leader. Yes. He achieved 8%, not when compared to a new and most popular PM ever in his 'honeymoon period'. But merely when compared to other choices within his own party:

Poll

Who should be the new leader of the Liberal Party?

Peter Costello - 16% Tony Abbott - 10% Brendan Nelson - 8% Malcolm Turnbull - 49% Julie Bishop - 18% Total Votes: 11637

Well, yeah. Let's pick the one who got THE LOWEST votes! I mean, even creepy Tony Abbott was more popular!!!


The latest:

38per cent of Coalition voters wanted Mr Costello to be Opposition leader with Mr Turnbull as his deputy. Only 26 per cent of Coalition respondents backed the current leadership line-up of Dr Nelson and Julie Bishop.

Although, The Australian also reports that these "findings coincide with growing backbench concern that the ambitious Mr Turnbull needs more experience before qualifying for leadership."


Yeah, well, OK... But my argument's good too!!!

Not to put too fine a point on it... and perhaps no point at all...

You may have thought by my recent and thorough blog absence that this year, being a leap year and all, I was going to leap my way over February altogether and not return until March. But you are quite mistaken (obviously!) as I have now returned to opine upon the limitations and inclinations of beliefs.

Yes, you heard rightly. Phil-oss-o-fee.

*clears throat in a ladylike manner*


Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.
- Frank Zappa

The wise Mr Zappa is quite correct. I have been pondering such things myself lately and have realised that absolutely everything we humans believe in - including what we choose not to believe in - is a mere choice, you know, nothing can be proven and all that. (ie. Reality is in the eye of the beholder... Oooh...)

Some of you may find such an understanding of reality heartening as you appreciate the absolute freedom this gives a person. Others may take a more pessimistic approach and sigh in longing for answers which, it seems, you can only make up for yourself. Oh why cannot some worldly or (even more wonderfully) unworldly soul come along and show one the way; explain what's black and what's white! *holding back of hand to pale forehead as one beseeches the night sky above* I mean, everything is just a choice to believe or not believe? How heartbreakingly grey! And how can anything have any meaning at all if that is the case!??

Well, continuing in such thinking will only create a well worn path from your pacing treads upon the carpet and the only thing you will catch is likely your own tail (or, more aptly, 'tale') so don't get one's self in knots but instead distract yourself and feel some sympathy for those living in the time of Oscar Wilde...

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
- Oscar Wilde

...as they obviously did not have the internet.



Mr Wilde also believed "only the shallow know themselves." This makes a lot of sense considering the philosophical ponderings above... (she says out of the corner of her mouth as she is busy chewing her own tail).


The wonderful lass Mr George Eliot opined that "We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us." True, true. And also sheds extra light on how the shallow know themselves so well.


Sir Francis Bacon: "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties."
Well... I suppose from my latest ponderings I am certain that everything I think I know or believe is purely my choice, and same goes for everyone else... But then, that's just what I choose to believe, I suppose... so, how certain am I?

Oh. He said "a man"! Well, there you go...



Ah, hell to it all. Let us instead reveal and revel in the wisdom of Lily Tomlin: "Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."


Obviously the trick is to be shallow and eternally inebriated.



*hic*

Top up my vodka will you George darling...

Sorry, Mary Anne then...

Er, aren't you dead dear?

Hmm, I could take your lack of response as affirmation... as inebriation... but... as I belieeeve you're here......

Sorting my male

Looking through my mail today I found one envelope which had my address but no name on it.

Oh, what are they trying to sell me now, I thought.


I opened it - expecting some disappointment like cheap printer ink cartridges, some new cleaning product or teddy bear address labels - and what did I see but this!
























Woo hoo! I thought. That's more like it! Just what I've been looking for!!


You can imagine how disappointed I was to turn this hunk of man over and read an ad for a new fitness centre in the area.


Shame.


Just when I thought he might be on sale....

...

Lemons

Am a bit stuck re anything to blog about lately. I apologise.

I could let you know about plants I've bought and put in my garden and all those sorts of things but I think that's pretty dull to most people (anyone else get excited about heliotrope? the flowers smell like vanilla...! anyone? anyone...?).


I could share with you how when listening to the cricket, I get distracted by such remarks as 'he bowled a maiden over' and how they shouldn't expose their stumps: I ponder the absolute truth of this... especially in regard to Shane Warne.


I could tell you about the new gigantic air freshner that's making my home smell beautifully - yet somewhat inexplicably - of jasmine green tea. It's kinda retro. My neighbour's lemon tree was a bit clumsily trimmed. Now if only I can get it to ripen its fruit...


I could tell you how I'm not so interested in my crush anymore. He tends to make disparaging comments about the fairer sex. Tsk.

See? Nothing really of interest.

I could instead tell you of my increasingly abstruse philosophically inclined interior analysis of my self and my life which is not only becoming richer but simultaneously more simple as I learn to analyse less and let go more, and leads to epiphanies of a more practical nature which in turn heads things in a more positive direction which is good, although the letting go of thinking so much part is a little scary as who am I without that!? But it's OK because everything in moderation and all that, and it's good to learn not to take everything to the extreme and relax a bit more, trust yourself and allow life to flow...


So, I could tell you these things, just to get a post written, but I don't think I'll bother you with it...

This could be why he's the Minister for Health

You've likely heard that Tony Abbott has said, yes, workers have much less protection now and the Industrial Relations Commission has much less power but hey, this is still an improvement because there are more jobs available. He said anyone who doesn't like their job should quit cause it's really easy to get a new one.


Really, Kevin can just sit back on his hands lately!


Especially with the revelations that last election the Coalition buttered up their own electorates as well as marginal electorates with some hasty and generous grants. 43 projects were approved, 38 of them in Coalition seats. Also done against departmental advice of course. As 'a long-serving official in the auditor's office told the Herald yesterday: "This is the worst thing I have ever seen."'
Tsk.


Plus a couple of rowdy protesters interrupted a speech of ol' Johnny's today. One man had a scooper - I hope it was a pooper-scooper, how apt - filled with Howard's "non-core promises" which he just loves to break.

Howard did not let this interruption sway him from his hyperbolic rantings however: "Any roll back of our industrial relations reform at this time is a dagger at the heart of our future prosperity."


Oh. *sniff* Someone fetch me a tissue.


PS - Just sent this comment to the Liberal Party via their website: I just love the little Labor heads poking out the side of your website. They're so cute! Especially Julia Gillard, she looks gorgeous.And she does! And so happy! Do you think they were going for cute? Maybe not. But they are! You should have a look. Little Labor Party members poke their heads out on the right hand side (down the bottom). They look much nicer than those stuffy old farts pictured in the header! I mean, uh, not that we're going on looks or anything... *ahem*

PPS - Also some cute (yet ugly) cartoons on the very informative pork-o-meter site (re pork barreling). Although, it is rather unsettling to see piggy-Rudd stick his rotund pig bum up in the air only to be roughly poked by Gillard's perky pink snout. Ew. Oh, and worse! In another one she's actually riding him! Oh deary me. And Costello... well he doesn't look any different - not until Howard kicks a lot of dirt (shit?) onto his face at least...

Low expectations (a reality & a request)

Forgive me. I can't manage to write a sensible post at the moment (not implying I ever do of course...). I will be moving house soon and my head is a big jumble of things to do. I greatly dislike moving. It would be fine if you only had to move out; or only had to move in. But having to organise both at the same time is really asking a bit much I feel.

Today, along with trying to organise various other equally dull things, I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure out which broadband plan to go with (I'm currently on dial up - - - stop laughing please). After much internet research I eventually called someone. Sixteen minutes of the increasingly irritating song of "Whatever you want, whatever you need" - oh the irony! - intermittently interrupted by a jovial fellow loudly saying "Please stay on the phone!" which was rather helpful actually to ensure I didn't fall asleep. Useful to be awake when a live person actually comes on the line to help you.

At least Rudd seems to have had a good day today - unlike some of WA's politicians. Hooray that he's spending somewhat less than Howard! (Not that it should be particularly difficult.)

Although it would be a bigger surprise if Howard gets back in than if Rudd wins, I think it is still quite likely to happen. Watching Insight last night merely confirmed this. Although a lot of people who usually vote Liberal were considering Labor (or 'Kevin'), most people had yet to make up their minds. One woman was firmly opposed to voting for Rudd as her first impression of him was that his mouth is too small. Bloody insightful us Aussies. Yet where is the coverage of such critical points in the media!? Where are the editorials on lips to chin ratios? Of which politicians have the beadiest eyes, or eyes too close together? Our journalists are failing us! And what about Rudd's support group; his PR people? Why haven't they encouraged lip implants for godssake!

Tsk.

News & nonsense

Is it just me or is the news extra depressing lately? I find I cannot sit through it in recent days; I have to turn it off before I fall to the floor in a foetal ball of soggy sobbing (not always the best of looks).

Neither is this predicament greatly assisted by the tail end - the pointy end? - of the election campaign. I believe 'repetition' may now be more accurately defined as 'brain washing'. How dumb do these pollies think we are? And how dumb does Howard look repeating the same answers to every question? Blah blah interest rates? Not my fault but I can still control them best. (wtf?) Don't forget I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah cost of living? I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah AWAs? I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah your favourite colour? I'm the best to steer the economy.

And they thought Reagan was a robot...


Driving me nuts.


[Smooth segue follows.]


What I'm also thinking is nuts lately, to get away from the dreary news, is past relationships.

Leaving sex aside, what my ex-husband (Hex for short - a particularly apt sobriquet considering his predisposition for presenting a phony persona and his overall commitment to manipulation) and my more Recent ex (Rex for short - no, this doesn't suit him at all) miss the most about me is: my scintillating conversation.

This makes sense re Hex, as he and I were actually able to partake of reasonably interesting tete-a-tetes. Although, he never liked to really debate anything too much (whereas I can do this endlessly) he did at least converse.

Whereas Rex showed great disinterest, even disdain, for most things I tend to discourse upon. This didn't just include personal stuff or speaking of my family and friends, but also anything metaphysical, analytical, profound or even observatory.
Yet, when I spoke to him last night he confessed that my prattling on about such things was what he really missed.
I replied, 'But you always told me to shut up!'
'Yeah, but now I miss it.'
'?!'


He's trying to tell me that he's changed and learnt. Makes it sound like now he would be interested to hear my thoughts and ideas. Yeah right. Twice now we've had a go at a relationship, and after both he's repeatedly said that he kicks himself every day, really regrets that he didn't do better, didn't appreciate me enough. I gave him another chance last time after he'd said all that, but he still messed up. So I'm clear, very clear, that there's no way he's getting another chance. Friends only from now on.

Plus, the guy I mentioned that I have a wee crush on - who I'm sensibly aware is still likely not up to my newly rather high (or at least 'higher') standards - when, rather innocently and allegedly, sharing his opinion of me said I am interesting to talk to. Must be true eh? Mind you, at least this guy has the sense to realise this without having had a relationship with me - especially one in which he has actually complained of my speaking (re Rex: really, it's just ridiculous*).




* surely my alliteration of the week.

Kicking myself

Whenever I'm at the pub and I see Efficient is racing I bet on him (being a girl this has followed my usual system which is: it's a nice name).

Today, Melbourne Cup. Felt pretty blase about it this year so didn't put a bet on. But did tell my mum, who was putting bets on, that the favourite I liked was Purple Moon (which follows a friend's system of 'third letter R' - yup, we're a technical lot) and the outsider I liked was Efficient. WHO WON AND PAID OVER $22!! (Purple Moon coming second of course.)

*sigh*

How did the rest of you go?