Apple, Tarantino, Art and Life (and crickets)

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Watched Iconoclasts with Fiona Apple and Quentin Tarantino this week. I love how they talked about being artists and where inspiration comes from, a kind of 'God Antenna' (see above).

And I've just read in Katherine Mansfield's Letters:

November 1920

What you quote from Van Gogh is very fine.

["...Nevertheless I find in my work a certain reverberation of what fascinated me. I know that Nature told me something, that she spoke to me, and that I took down her message in shorthand. Perhaps my transcript contains words that are undecipherable; belike there are faults and omission in it too, - still it may possess something that the wood, the beach or the figures said."]

... Tchehov felt just like that.

...I don't believe there are any short cuts to Art. Victory is the reward of battle just exactly as it is in Life. And the more one knows of one's soldiers the better chance one has. That's not an absolutely true analogy tho'. The thing is more subtle.

But what I do believe with my whole soul is that one's outlook is the climate in which one's art either thrives or doesn't grow. I am dead certain that there is no separating Art and Life. And no artist can afford to leave out Life. If we mean to work we must go straight to Life for our nourishment. There's no substitute. But I am violent on this subjick. I must leave it.

I think with both art and life: neither can be pushed. And this is what Fiona and Quentin were discussing. If it's not all there and filling you up, then there's no use in trying to create something... from nothing. I believe also with life it's just cruel to yourself, and the natural state of things, to pressure yourself to do something when you don't feel called, compelled or inspired to do so. If it's a 'should do' then you most likely shouldn't. Or, as I've similarly heard: If in doubt... don't.

I typically have been a thinker, ruminator, cogitator, (agitator!)... i.e. worrier. Going through a list of shoulds in my head concerning the 'best' to do for the future. Of course the future doesn't exist. One only has 'now' and one ought to sense the now and how one is feeling now, because that is what will guide one in the 'future'. If you stick with that you can't go wrong.

So, this is the God Antenna of which the Apple and the Tarantino speak. You sense what's happening with you at each moment and when inspiration or interest comes, it comes. No use erecting voluminous satellite dishes just to find something. Stick with where you're at this moment and it will come to you.


*sits*



*crickets chirp*


so... *sits listening to crickets*


P.S. I meant to put this on my other blog, but seeing as I've put it here I'll leave it. I've been wanting to bring this blog back to its former eclecticness anyway. Also... can't think of anything else I'm interested in writing about at the moment. (at least these means I'm walking the walk, or the talk, or the blog, or whatever...!)

The 'F' word...

Let me know how you feel when you read these quotes:

I love my father as the stars - he's a bright shining example and a happy twinkling in my heart. ~Adabella Radici


There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994

If you're like me you'll roll your eyes and mutter, "Yeah, right...".


But, occasionally I come across people - often through blogs, and quite possibly through fictional movies... - who have a great relationship with their dad! And I'm amazed. I can't quite comprehend it. I mean, my dad isn't a bastard, some evil horrid person. He just was never much interested in me. No cuddles or advice; no warm support. Mum would have to pester him to spend time with me. So, no warm-and-fuzzies like some people seem to have. No strong, reliable or emotionally connected head-of-family.

The other day, on the phone to my mum, I mentioned to her that I was starting to wonder if other people actually had 'real' dads. You know, how dads are supposed to be: Loving, supportive, spend time with you and are interested in you, create a safe place for you. You feel he's someone strong and caring who you can rely on and... well... he's someone who obviously loves you. You are special and have an important place in his heart. I told mum I was beginning to be suspicious that these men actually existed. She said no way. She couldn't fathom that at all. Obviously a completely foreign concept to her too.


So, as it's stuck in my head, I thought I'd put it out there to you lot and see if any of you feel you have a wonderful dad. You know, one with all the good stuff! Or, do you know of any in existence?
I find it hard to believe... but, I just have to ask!






The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. ~Bertrand Russell

[This has also come up because someone recently pointed out to me what I'd been missing from my father - as if these nice, fatherly things could have and should have been provided. What the...! Really? And also because I'm reading A. S. Byatt's 'The Shadow of the Sun' which has a similarly distant father.]

Howard spreads it on thickly

Howard: "If the butter of common national values is spread too thinly it will disappear altogether."



Audience member: Which is jolly good for the nation's obesity and cholesterol problems!



Howard: Wait... Hang on...

Not to put too fine a point on it... and perhaps no point at all...

You may have thought by my recent and thorough blog absence that this year, being a leap year and all, I was going to leap my way over February altogether and not return until March. But you are quite mistaken (obviously!) as I have now returned to opine upon the limitations and inclinations of beliefs.

Yes, you heard rightly. Phil-oss-o-fee.

*clears throat in a ladylike manner*


Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.
- Frank Zappa

The wise Mr Zappa is quite correct. I have been pondering such things myself lately and have realised that absolutely everything we humans believe in - including what we choose not to believe in - is a mere choice, you know, nothing can be proven and all that. (ie. Reality is in the eye of the beholder... Oooh...)

Some of you may find such an understanding of reality heartening as you appreciate the absolute freedom this gives a person. Others may take a more pessimistic approach and sigh in longing for answers which, it seems, you can only make up for yourself. Oh why cannot some worldly or (even more wonderfully) unworldly soul come along and show one the way; explain what's black and what's white! *holding back of hand to pale forehead as one beseeches the night sky above* I mean, everything is just a choice to believe or not believe? How heartbreakingly grey! And how can anything have any meaning at all if that is the case!??

Well, continuing in such thinking will only create a well worn path from your pacing treads upon the carpet and the only thing you will catch is likely your own tail (or, more aptly, 'tale') so don't get one's self in knots but instead distract yourself and feel some sympathy for those living in the time of Oscar Wilde...

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
- Oscar Wilde

...as they obviously did not have the internet.



Mr Wilde also believed "only the shallow know themselves." This makes a lot of sense considering the philosophical ponderings above... (she says out of the corner of her mouth as she is busy chewing her own tail).


The wonderful lass Mr George Eliot opined that "We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us." True, true. And also sheds extra light on how the shallow know themselves so well.


Sir Francis Bacon: "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties."
Well... I suppose from my latest ponderings I am certain that everything I think I know or believe is purely my choice, and same goes for everyone else... But then, that's just what I choose to believe, I suppose... so, how certain am I?

Oh. He said "a man"! Well, there you go...



Ah, hell to it all. Let us instead reveal and revel in the wisdom of Lily Tomlin: "Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."


Obviously the trick is to be shallow and eternally inebriated.



*hic*

Top up my vodka will you George darling...

Sorry, Mary Anne then...

Er, aren't you dead dear?

Hmm, I could take your lack of response as affirmation... as inebriation... but... as I belieeeve you're here......

Free Burma! (Bloggers for Burma)

Other bloggers participating in
International Bloggers' Day for Burma


free-burma.org

The people of Burma are like prisoners in their own country, deprived of all freedom under military rule.
Aung San Suu Kyi

There is so much that we need to do for our country. I don't think that we can afford to wait.

We want to empower our people; we want to strengthen them; we want to provide them with the kind of qualifications that will enable them to build up their own country themselves.
Aung San Suu Kyi - National League for Democracy



Petition
democracyinaction.org - US Campaign for Burma

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.
Aung San Suu Kyi

Once serious political dialogue has begun, the international community can assume that we have achieved genuine progress along the road to real democratisation.
Aung San Suu Kyi

The struggle for democracy and human rights in Burma is a struggle for life and dignity. It is a struggle that encompasses our political, social and economic aspirations.
Aung San Suu Kyi

Petition
appeal to the UN Security Council to protect the people of Burma

http://www.ko-htike.blogspot.com


Other Burma blogs

Petition
to award the Nobel Peace Prize to Burmese monks




The undertakers from "Yay-Way" cemetery, reported that the SPDC cremates all the corpses as well as those injured protesters who are still alive. Now the world has seen the shooting of Japanese reporters and the floating body of a monk in the Hlaing river. Please let the world know and bring the military regime to the World Criminals Court.
(http://burmanews.cbox.ws)

"A smooth transition to democracy ...is really in the hands of people like the Howard government to say internationally and loudly that they will not tolerate human rights abuse."
John Kaye, President of the Australian Coalition for Democracy in Burma.


minister.downer@dfat.gov.au

Petition
avaaz.org - Stand with Burma




Where the world stands on Burma
(BBC News)

free-burma.org



Saturday, October 6th, has been declared an International Day of Action For Burma.

Organizers are asking that people worldwide wear red or saffron as a show of unity for the Burmese monks who are standing in opposition to one of the most brutal military dictatorships in the world.


Currently, people suspected of protesting are being taken out of their homes in the middle of the night. The junta is announcing in the streets of Rangoon that they have photos and are coming to get them.






http://burmanews.cbox.ws


http://burmamyanmargenocide.blogspot.com


http://www.irrawaddy.org


http://www.burmanet.org/news


http://www.mizzima.com

(More on the situation in Burma in posts below, and at any of the above sites.)

A Quayle in the hand is worth, er, about the same as Bush

...


Came across a Dan Quayle quote today:

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.


Ahhh. Brought back all the good memories of how much joy this Vice President's (1989-93) cock ups used to bring.


*voiceover as for ad.s such as Greatest 70's Hits* Do you remember this one?

In 1992 when Dan Quayle visited a Trenton school for a photo op: He asks a kid to spell potato, kid writes on the blackboard 'potato', Quayle looks at the flash card in his hand to check (really, would you have checked the spelling of potato?) and, because the card says 'potatoe' he tells the kid to put an 'e' on the end. (I was in the States and Canada in the months following this and it was huge.)

The Trenton kid wowed the Letterman audience. He told of the spelling bee, saying, "I knew he was wrong, but since he’s the vice president I went back to the blackboard and put an e on the end and went back to my seat."


Well, Dan Quayle did say: "I've never professed to be anything but an average student."

No kidding.

-----

Quayle can readily compete with Bushisms.


Just to remind you of some Bushisms:

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three.

"We’ve got an issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

“Peace will come to the Middle East only after everyone stops fighting.”

“To those of you who receive honors, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say: you too can be president.” Bush got into Yale with only C grades. Dan Quayle's major at college was political science, in which he mostly got D's.



And, er, Quaylisms:


A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us.

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... I mean in this century's history... But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.

Votes are like trees, if you are trying to build a forest. If you have more trees than you have forests, then at that point the pollsters will probably say you will win.

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.


Can you imagine if Quayle had been VP to Bush dub-ya instead of Bush senior?



-----

Strangely, the other quote I came across today was George Orwell: The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
(The third quote I saw was - just to prove I'm not making this up - "Health food makes me sick" C Trillin. But I think I'll save the dangers of carrot juice and the toxic effects of overconsumption of Vitamin A for another thought provoking post if it's alright with you.)

I'm sure you heard the other day how Bush, who said in April 2004 that the current Iraq war could not be compared to Vietnam, now compares it!

He reckons that it would have been best if the US had stayed in Vietnam longer, completely ignoring the long held and popular belief that they should have left Vietnam years earlier than they did. And, like Iraq, probably shouldn't have interfered in the first place.

Also, it just brings to people's attention again how much a mess both wars have been regarding faulty US strategy and flawed decision making.

Yup, smart move.


Worse, he also compared the conflicts in Iraq to those in Cambodia:

"In Cambodia," Bush said, "the Khmer Rouge began a murderous rule in which hundreds of thousands of Cambodians died by starvation and torture and execution"

[Er...] The Khmer Rouge slaughter was not caused by the U.S. withdrawal from Indochina in 1973, but by the U.S. escalation of the war and intervention into Cambodia in the years prior to that time.

(Taken from this article.)

-----

Maybe ol' Johnny hangs around these dumb Yanks just to look rool intelligent (if also a bit short).

Mind you, Kyle Sandilands would probably look bright and fair-minded against the likes of Bush and Quayle.

NICE GUYS

I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it. - William Faulkner

I'm always hearing how the nice guy never 'gets' the girl. I understand why this appears to be so. I've gone out with both the creeps and the nice guys.

In my life experience the nice guys have also been the creeps; they were just appearing to be nice, cause that's how they got by in the world. They're known as 'good old such and such', everyone likes them. And this is how they get away with being manipulative and controlling.

I chose to go out with (and then m-m-m... really commit to) a particular 'nice guy' particularly because he was a 'nice guy'. (Really he was not nice, more of a con man because he was actually heartless and controlling. See? Creep!) But, I thought I was being smart. I wasn't going to make that mistake again of going for the other type, the tougher or meaner guy. Of course, I thought they were nice too at first, but I was aware they had other sides to them too. Rough around the edges. Sometimes these rough edges were exciting. So I suppose it could be true that we often see 'the nice guy' as bland or dull...?



Many women don't think enough of themselves to be with a truly nice guy. We often have such a low opinion of ourselves that it would be just plain crazy to be with a guy who sincerely thinks we're great and of value. He must be nuts to look at us as special! What's wrong with him!!? So, this is often why we end up with the less-than-nice guy. He will perhaps say nice things to us - and we all want that - but really he knows our worth is less than his. We know our place and he does too.

In addition to, or instead of this, I think we pick the not-so-great guy because, well, us ladies are nurturers. We might see a guy's flaws but instead of thinking, 'Oh, this guy really needs to work on himself before he's any good for a relationship. He can't take care of himself at all. He. has. got. issues!'... We will instead think: 'Oh, isn't he sweet? He can't even take care of himself! What the poor love must have gone through... what pain he must be in! He needs my love... etc, etc.)'


Why do we do this? Again, I'm guessing it's cause we feel it gives us some worth, we feel needed. We are useful. And we are most useful of course, to the guys who are the biggest wrecks. (Of course these guys just lap it up, let us do all the work in the relationship and they never 'evolve' or 'heal' - instead it's the girl who begins to fall in a hole. And! Then! the nice guys look at this and think, 'Why is she wasting herself on that piece of shit?! I would never treat her like that!! etc, etc.')


Another reason we may go for the creep (who obviously has a heart of gold under there somewhere, he just need us to help him find it...) is because he may appear to be more exciting and/or more interesting.



Of course, all of this can come under the heading: Women who have been messed up by Daddy. Fathers have a massive impact on their daughters. Once I understood this, so much of my own 'stuff' became clearer.

What I'm saying is we find guys like 'daddy', men who will treat us as poorly as our fathers did. Firstly because that is what we know, is all we know of men, so anything else doesn't really turn-up on our radar. Secondly it's because by (unconsciously) putting ourselves through the same shit again we eventually learn how to get ourselves out of it. [Eg. one of my issues with my father is that he neglected me, he wasn't 'present' in the relationship, so I've found men (even when deliberately picking 'the nice guy'!) who will also ignore me and are not present in the relationship; so by going through that over and over I eventually learn that I deserve better and see that just because 'daddy' neglected me doesn't mean I am worthy of neglect, and learn to develop self-worth, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah...]


Anyway...


I've been thinking that, apart from the above (which everyone already knows), some nice guys perhaps are often less attractive to women because we sense they don't have a richness of spirit. Yeah, some guys are just plain shallow and dumb. That makes sense. No, not just that, what I'm getting at is that maybe we sense there isn't enough depth to some of these men. And this is important because us wonderful women, complex creatures that we are, want someone who will dare to take the time and make the effort to delve into and understand our depths, our complex nature.

This surely sounds dumb to many of you and maybe I'm not putting it very well, but I'm learning more lately about the nature of women. We have more than one side to us. We don't want to be understood merely on our social or shallow level; at face value only. We want a partner to be unafraid to see our darker side; to dare to peer into our inner world.


Of course many women, with some dark and sad issues still to deal with, would also want to avoid this type of man cause she may be fearing these aspects of herself and doesn't want to be with someone who might see them.


But still, I like this idea cause I think it can go both ways (see, now you're getting excited!). It's more about people being ready to really get to know someone else in a relationship. To be profound enough in their own life, understanding their self and selves, so that they can dare to see these darker or deeper sides of someone else.



So, maybe it's not about whether a guy is nice or not. Maybe it's just waiting for the person - this goes for men and women - who has delved through their own issues, their own shit, and got their act together enough that they're not afraid to delve into the depths of their own nature. And by being open to their own complexities they are willing to make the effort to see and understand someone else's. To dare to know someone's true nature; even with all its wildness and paradoxes. It can be scary and take some time and effort. Most of us can't be bothered with that or are too frightened.




Anyway, I've rambled on enough. I guess nice guys just have to understand that a lot of us lasses are too down on ourselves to accept someone who values them. And us lasses have to understand that a lot of guys are too messed up to be good for us, or beyond 'saving'.
So, in between, must be the souls that have done their hard work and sorted themselves out enough to be ready to really have a relationship. I suppose it needs two such people to come together for a deeper and profound connection to take place. By then we should have learnt enough about our own flaws and how to accept them, so that we can do that for someone else. ...Learned to accept that we are complex creatures but worth understanding, so that we can then do that for someone else. And on and on, etc.



Well, anyway, I want someone who is a - genuinely - nice guy but who also has great courage and depth too. And to be damn interesting! Some nice guys only have one side to them. I want to see all sides, and I want him to even know about all his sides. And I want him to be interested enough in me to take the time to get to know all of my complexities too, my wilder sides and all that. (And I'm hoping I won't settle for anything less.)



Jeez, that makes sense doesn't it?

[/end mushy ravings]

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. - Charles M. Schulz

Super-Procrastinator Girl!!!

Due to a pressing need to frantically procrastinate I've made myself into a comic book character/heroine (as supported by peer-reviewed stat.s [see Table 1.1 right]).

Do I look tough? Like I'd kick ass? Like I could gouge out your eye with a dainty yet deadly stilettoed heel? Like I could change my attire merely by spinning round and round and round really, really fast?
Or do I look plain blurry and trashily pixilated? (Remarkably accurate really considering that's exactly how I'm feeling... possibly due to an overindulgence in recent consumption/s of vodka and Grand Marnier-lashed ice cream [see last post])

For my next busy, time-filled procrastination I will create a matching super-heroine action figure, complete with assorted dazzling accessories. Apart from a variety of colourful capes and externally-worn knickers these are likely to include: a tired and dusty notebook computer, a dazed expression from photo editing, snazzy tortoiseshell spectacles (to hide secret identity), assorted tomes and newspapers (to complete the nerdish persona she secretly hides behind), and an invisible super-jet (they're cheaper that way, plus environmentally friendly and simply packaged). And perhaps an invisible boy-wonder companion (really the best kind; save a lot of hassles...), and maybe a fluffy pet of some description (cause, you know, I'd like a pet, a bunny or dog or cat or something, maybe a fur seal or two, a flamingo... but don't feel I could responsibly commit to one right now as I am likely unable to stay in one place long enough to give it a stable home... *coughs* due to the fact that I'm *ahem* rather busy saving the world and all that).


Anyway, enough procrastinating. *sigh* I'm off for a nanna nap...

**********

The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it. (William Gibson)

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. (Jerome K. Jerome)

Books & Movies

I'm reading four different books at the moment. Ridiculous, I know. I managed to get out of the habit of reading too many tomes at once, for several months now, only to lapse again. Tsk.

Anyway, one I'm currently reading is Australian: "The Triumph of the Airheads - and the retreat from commonsense" by Shelley Gare. It's good; I haven't read much yet but am enjoying it so far. Although, it's somewhat depressing to see, confirmed and detailed, how much our society is encouraging and rewarding dumbing down.

I cannot help but share an example with you (and will likely do this again as I slowly make my way though it).

Some of you may recall this (I don't, but then my memory has waned with my maturing years...) from December, 2005. Ms Gare quotes Barnaby Joyce in a Senate Inquiry re abortion pill RU486:

Senator B Joyce: "So if I shoot a woman in the abdomen and do not kill her, but kill the baby, I have not actually committed a crime."

Roslyn Dundas, for the Women's Electoral Lobby: "No, you actually have committed a crime by shooting a woman."
[p. 18]

God help us.

Ms Gare has been "writing about the rise of airheadism for almost a decade" the poor lass. It's so depressing. You laugh until you cry.

And of course, Bush is the best example of how being an airhead gets you ahead in the post-modern world (well that plus greed and corruption of course... And money...).

"I don't know why you're talking about Sweden," Bush said. "They're the neutral one. They don't have an army."
(Democrat congressman Tom) Lantos paused, a little shocked, and offered a gentlemanly reply: "Mr President, you may have thought that I said Switzerland. They're the ones that are historically neutral, without an army."
Then Lantos mentioned, in a gracious aside, that the Swiss do have a tough national guard to protect the country in the event of invasion.
Bush held to his view. "No, no, it's Sweden that has no army."
[p. 24]

Speaking of laughter, I saw a surprisingly funny film recently: Blades of Glory.

This silly-humour type of film isn't normally my thing (ie. I hated Something about Mary, and Meet the Parents... but I liked The Wedding Crashers, and Starsky & Hutch, so I'm not completely immune... thank God!), but I needed a good laugh and someone told me they wanted to go, so.

It was good! I laughed out loud quite a bit. I think it helped that I had watched a bit of ice skating in my formative years (and many of these skaters had cameos in the film). Visually speaking, seeing grown men in hideously tight and feathery/flowery/sequined/etc costumes is funny enough, but put these two men together in a routine and I (apparently will) laugh myself silly.


Also re movies, I have a query for you:

I have been considering going to see The Dead Girl. Has anyone else seen it? Do you recommend it? I'm afraid it will be a little dark and dreary for my current emotional fragility. Should I wait for the dvd - and improved emotional stability..? An 'ugly-cry', sobbing, hysterical, screeching breakdown in a crowded art cinema doesn't really take my fancy... (Especially after last time...)

...

Reminiscence & Melancholia

I confess, I quite like rereading. It’s like visiting an old friend. It can help you see how you’ve changed since you last read a particular novel.

Most often, however, it's merely an enjoyable experience of revisiting a place which brings you feelings of contentment, happiness, or even a pleasant sense of melancholy.

It’s not always a good idea: sometimes a book’s initial impact is so profound that returning removes its power. Worse is when you find that you’ve changed so much since your initial reading, that you realise it wasn’t that great after all. You’ve outgrown the old friend.

An obvious example would be books one has read as a child that may seem ridiculous now (although, Dr Seuss really only makes more sense).

When I was really young I loved The Enchanted Forest (Faraway Tree, Moonface, slippery-dip, and those strange magical thingies they ate… what were they?).

At around eight and nine my favourites were James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Harriet the Spy (she had stationery! Mmmm); I think at seven I liked Ramona the Pest, Peanuts, and Betty and Veronica comics (the latter had to be a bad influence… And yes, Betty had the bigger bosom, but Veronica was better looking, so end of argument).

I consider returning to my childhood favourites sometimes - to reconnect with my inner child, reminisce – but what if I find they’re awful? My happy memories might be ruined.*

~~~

Anyhoo, I’m currently rereading Francoise Sagan’s Bonjour Tristesse. Don’t know why. It just stuck in my head for a while. (I own many hundreds of books so can easily pick up a tome at random – not so easy is when I have to move house. Bloody heavy.)

The introductory paragraph rather suits me today, so I shall share (this is a blog after all)**:

A strange melancholy pervades me to which I hesitate to give the grave and beautiful name of sadness. In the past the idea of sadness always appealed to me, now I am almost ashamed of its complete egoism. I had known boredom, regret, and at times remorse, but never sadness. To-day something envelops me like a silken web, enervating and soft, which isolates me.

I like the simplicity of this novella. She was only eighteen when she wrote it so it has a sweet naivety to it (although not as much naivety as my writing at eighteen had, goddammit).

~~~

A happier rereading of late is from Katherine Mansfield’s short story Bliss (which you can read in full here):

What can you do if you are thirty and, turning the corner of your own street, you are overcome, suddenly by a feeling of bliss - absolute bliss! - as though you'd suddenly swallowed a bright piece of that late afternoon sun and it burned in your bosom, sending out a little shower of sparks into every particle, into every finger and toe? ...
Oh, is there no way you can express it without being "drunk and disorderly"? How idiotic civilisation is! Why be given a body if you have to keep it shut up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?

And then this afternoon, out of the misty-grey-blue, came the ringing chimes of The Sundays. Talk about reminiscing. Fitted the moment for me perfectly – happy melancholia. I love it when that happens.

~~~~~~~~~

* Well, I’ve looked back on the Archie comics, and they were mostly pretty awful. But, I knew that at the time and would try to weed out the wittier tales (yes, there were some). I must say that I’ll be fucked if I know what they saw in Archie though. Why didn’t that clever Veronica just let Betty have him? (Probably cause she was like most girls in high school and only did whatever would cause greatest pain to her girlfriends. …No. No issues!! Nothing to see here!) Maybe I related to the characters, as most of them were only children like me. Mind you, I really don’t think I need to look into it too much (I wonder if anyone’s done a PhD on the long-term effects of reading Archie comics in one’s formative years… There’s one about how bananas go black when you put them in the fridge, so… nuff said).

** Re today’s mood of melancholy: I will be kind enough not to reproduce Keats’ Ode on Melancholy for your bored perusal bemusement amusement. (No, no! go not to Lethe… PLEEEASE!!!) I know it by heart and often recite it to myself during times of stress… or insomnia. After such boasting I will also explain that I am only able to recite one other poem from memory (and it's shorter). Worse: I cannot recall a single dirty limerick.

“Love and stoplights can be cruel.” (Sesame Street)

*whew*

Been a tough week.

I am in that temper that if I were under water I would scarcely kick to come to the top. – John Keats

But then...

I haven't taken an overdose of sleeping pills and called my agent. I haven't been in jail, and I don't go running to my psychiatrist every two minutes. That's something of an accomplishment these days. – Ava Gardner

Yes, I must remind myself that it could've been a worse week. I must be positive.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. (Robert Orben)

And, I ought to remember...

Brain cells create ideas.

Stress kills brain cells.

Stress is not a good idea. – Richard Saunders.

But, my brain cells, tragically, are very much deceased. Hence my need to use the quotations of others' in this post until my cognitive abilities revive themselves.

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." - Dame Edna Everage