Monday, 12 May 2008

B is for...?

The budget may be requiring "tough decisions" (and no bunnies out of bonnets), but surely there are also tough decisions for voters of Big Brother housemates'!*

Yes. I have just watched almost an entire episode of Big Mouth. Never managed to watch one of its previous incarnations as BB Up Late (the only snippets I caught once were of males bragging about female prey they had caught: "Yeah, mate. She really wanted me." etc, etc, with details too gory to repeat. That was enough for me.) But, of course, tonight Paul McDermott and I are too excited to sleep on Budget Eve (yes, I saw a bit of Good News Week too, oh the shame of admitting to all this Channel 10 viewing when surely you'd pictured me permanently glued to good ol' wholesome Aunty/ABC (with a bit of oh-so-raunchy SBS on the side... (and I'm just talking about the banter between its news hosts (riveting!)))).

Anyway, in case you missed it, here's some highlights:

One guest was Angela Conway from the Australian Family Association. (Egad, I'm yawning just typing that!) Yes, the audience was as thrilled as you would expect (and yes, this show has an audience - grown men did 'woo hoo!' in a loud and exuberant fashion). Being a kind of expert she confidently explained that it was 'not suitable' to put 17 year old Corey on the show because it has 'put him in the spotlight'. Yes. Poor Corey. By getting an agent and organising an 'east coast party tour', you know, which he had to 'postpone' due to 'media commitments', you could tell that he's really been trying to avoid that spotlight thing.

Another guest was newly-evicted Saxon. Oh, Saxon. Gosh. Won't you be missed. He looks like beefy, tattooed Popeye but with a Kewpie Doll head.

It's lovely to know that he's changed from being a bigoted skinhead to a... uh... ummm....

Well, anyway... In the house he brightened up the conversations:

Saxon: "I was like, so close to getting a swastika tattooed on me"
Flabbergast housemate: "Shut u-u-up!"
Saxon: "Yeah man. ... Full on lucky I didn't..."

Also re housemate Dixie - rather musically: "Baa baa fat chick, Dixie is a fool."

Just endearing really.

Thankfully Dixie, although often whingey, has some sense occasionally: "I'm in a house with a bunch of fuckwits."


Saxon also seriously and quite cleverly pointed out to the female host (Rebecca Wilson? who knows... the hosts are that engaging they're near invisible) re his 'cheeky' behaviour with the lads: "It's what boys do. I mean you're a woman, you should understand that."

Uh... yeah...

And what would this BB show be without some nudity (...well, non-existent one would guess)! So, we get to perve *cringes* on narcissistic Rory stripping off to flaunt his manhood (and I use the term 'man' oh so generously) next to Dixie. "You happy you saw dick Dixie?" Not getting quite the reaction he'd hoped for: "I don't want to see your penis. You're like my brother." (Uh, pre-pubescent?)

Other sexual areas of discussion include housemates revealing exciting locales of their (either few or hyperbolically numerous) sexual exploits. And when I say exciting...

I don't mean it.

The panelists also define Nathan (who apparently is quite the honey... but I have (and I proudly admit this) not watched enough of Big Brother to even confidently identify who Nathan is, so this quality of his has gone entirely unrecognised) as "a cryer". Yes. The women have obviously pondered upon him in a profound fashion during their quiet moments and have concluded that he would be the type to cry after sex.


Had enough yet?

But I haven't told you how one guest described 'old nanna' Terri!: "She's no Madonna." (No kiddin'.)

And that the panelists, although they hated Corey to start with, now think he's "a really nice kid"! (Although, one of them was momentarily sensible: "Throwing things at Corey sounds like a great way to spend time!")

Or even how they liked Ben at the start, cause he was all intelligent and that, but now they see there might be a 'dark side' to Ben, that he's 'a bit NQR' (yep. she said 'NQR'. obviously up to speed with the youth of today. impressive.) and that he's actually "not a very nice person... not a very lovely boy". Oh gosh, oh dear. Could that be due to comments such as (re very-blonde Brigette, and in front of very-blonde Brigitte): "I was surprised that a girl with her looks had only been tapped once."

Well, as one half of the barely noticeable hosts said: "You've gotta be completely shallow."

Indeed. And splashing in the shallow end can be somewhat useful when you've been overloaded with depressing news (personal and global) along with the very wonderful and important but even more depressing Four Corners.
So 'on ya!' empty-headed entertainment and the momentarily distracting triviality of Big Bother Brother (look, Brigette is weeping uncontrollably cause she can't wear her own clothes! Oh my!)! And, as Big Mouth concluded:


* Yes. A Big Brother post. Oh!!! Will the (whatever is remaining) dignity of my blog ever survive!?!!!!!