Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts

Friday, 23 January 2009

The good & the beautiful*


Mmmm.

Marat Safin is playing Federer tonight.

Although I'm usually hoping the matches are over quickly so I don't have to get to bed so darn late, I'm now hoping that this one lasts a lo-o-ong time (and, um, maybe that Safin gets sweaty and has to change his shirt...

frequently).

Sport. Is just so good for you.





* Just had to after the next-to-last post. Too easy.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

The good and the ugly.

Good

The editor of The West Australian "newspaper" has resigned. Hurrah. Mayhap WA will have an actual newspaper again one day. I've heard that when he started he instructed staff to only write articles that were controversial and anything that wasn't defined at controversial was to be made controversial, and all else (ie. 'news') excluded.


Bizarre

a) Medals of Freedom given to the guys who helped Bush start a war. Freedom... War... Ah! What's the diff!

b) Little Johnny Howard being called 'the man of steel'.










Ah! What's the diff!


Great

My holiday! Didn't get to do as much as I'd planned sightseeing-wise (hey, there's always next time!) but had lots of fun and it all went too quickly. Am looking forward to my next holiday now. More! More! More! I was totally spoiled and loved it. Went to some great shindigs, got some lovely Chrissy prezzies and had all sorts of bizarre and unique offers New Year's Eve (some of which could have lead to my arrest had I agreed). So, much fun was had (and additionally contemplated) all round. Lucky, lucky me.


Hope you all are having a lovely start to the new year.

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

And in the news today...*

1.
An insane murderer is allowed to drive a taxi in Melbourne.

The Public Transport Minister, Lynne Kosky, says she can not guarantee a man who stabbed his wife to death can be prevented from driving taxis in Melbourne. The man was acquitted of murder on the grounds of insanity.

The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal recently granted him a taxi licence against the advice of the Director of Public Transport.

Ms Kosky is vowing to change the law to prevent similar cases. "Now it will be mandatory refusal for anyone who has either a conviction, or if they're found not guilty by reason of insanity, so that will be now included in the legislation."


Gosh. Now isn't that a good idea.

But Ms Kosky says her options are limited in the current matter. "As a result of this decision we are fixing the legislation going forward," she said. "We will look at every avenue of appeal so that I can actually fix that difficulty, so that everybody can feel safe when they hop in a cab. That's what I want to be able to guarantee."


Yes. Please do 'fix that difficulty'.

(Note: On my list of things to do in the next couple of months is:
a) fly Qantas
b) ...to Melbourne)


2.
Now, staying in Victoria but leaving the shoddy decision-making skills of the The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal for the abysmal decisions the Migration Review Tribunal, we find that the country doctor with the Down Syndrome son - who "is the only internal medicine specialist servicing 20,000 people in Horsham" and the community is desperate for him to stay and who pays for the extra costs of his son's care - is still going to be kicked out of Australia.

Dr Bernhard Moeller and his family have had their application for residency in Horsham refused because of the costs associated with the care of their son...


Onya Victoria. Your tribunals are doing just fantastic work.

(now it's up to Federal Minister Chris Evans to intervene.)


3.
Most surprising news is the opinion that something in the area of telecommunications will be ruined if Telstra DOES NOT participate.

(The Liberal Party is nuts.)


4.
Lastly, there's news of a US company: Puck Technology.

What do you think they do? Something in the area of R & D concerning hockey pucks? Plastic surgery perhaps? Maybe they develop and manufacture funny little complex digital thingamees that do stuff in other complex electrical thingamees...? Or... sell Whizzinators!

Ah, Whizzinators! you say. Yes. Surely they are some great new kitchen gadget! Perfect for a Christmas present! Or maybe some new high-tech machine I can use in the garden. Or... maybe it's
the Whizzinator penis - a lifelike device used to emit clean, realistically warm urine instead of the user's true urine.

Indeed! The perfect Christmas present for Ben Cousins. It comes with "its own heating and Yellow River urine packs". Although, the president and vice-president of Puck Technology - Gerald and Robert - have just experienced some difficulties of their own.

Two men who sold prosthetic penises enabling drug cheats to give fake urine samples have pleaded guilty to conspiracy in the United States, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported.

Puck Technology has stopped operating, the report said.


The thing is (no, not that thing, this thing; don't get distracted), I don't really understand why they were charged with conspiracy. Surely they didn't claim the penises were real...

(Maybe they'll see this as an opportunity to enter the market for jumbo-sized models for men aiming to impress at the urinals. Um. It's perhaps a somewhat small market...)


* I suppose this post heading could have read 'And in the news today... a bunch of dicks.'

Friday, 31 October 2008

Gotta have something Supernatural for Halloween...

Jensen Ackles
&
Eye of the Tiger*




* 'twas a prank - they didn't give him the cue to stop at the initial drum solo, so he just went along with it and kept going...!

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Dressing as Putin for Halloween. Boo. Eeek.

Some scary facts to scare you for Halloween:


Russia's political leadership has undergone a total ideological transformation over the past decade. Long gone is its co-operation with the US and the EU. Instead, its leadership now emphasises its ideological hostility to the West. Somewhat like China, ultra-nationalism, suspicion of foreigners and a restoration of state power have become the regime ideology.

Russia has increased its military budget by almost 500% since 2000. Making it the second biggest military spender.

Just as scary: The biggest spender is China. (And who knows just how much they're bloody spending as they always lie about it. "Trick or treat?" Trick. Trick. Tricky.)

Still scary: Both Russia and China are spending these great wads of cash on modernising their nuclear weaponry. Modernising. Making dem a lot betta. So much so that they'll have a more superior, efficient and secure nuclear force than the US within the next decade. (Although this week the US saw it might need to start modernising... somehow... Uh. Can we do it without testing????)


And a couple of guys writing in the US journal The National Interest, also note that Russia is happily testing out their capabilities with large scale military exercises. (Practice makes perfect!). Of course China joins in on these too. So nice to see nations playing together.
Oh, and back onto what the guys have said: the US nuclear deterrent could lack credibility if Russia gets ahead of them... Such a weakening of US might would have terrible consequences for Japan and South Korea (and possibly us!) as they rely greatly on the US for their security.

Mind you... The same journal also says, "Russia’s present financial difficulties are likely to force Moscow to accelerate economic integration with the West, which will force the Kremlin to moderate its foreign policy." Their stock market as fallen by 70% since May, and the "ruble has lost two year’s worth of appreciation".
So, we may finally be able to say, 'Yay for the economic crisis!'
Unless it just levels us all out of course, and the West weakens just as much...

Um...

OK. Well let's just talk scary North Korea...!

(Fingers crossed Kim Jong-il will be garbed as a ghost this year!)

Friday, 24 October 2008

Looking to get away from it all? Some advice from Buzz:

Send astronauts to Mars permanently: Aldrin


Buzz Aldrin reckons there's no point in just visiting Mars as the year and a half journey there and home is just such a long time they might as well live there permanently (with some company). Or they could think of coming back at age 65... for retirement on Earth I guess. (Hey, at least we should have moved on from the financial crisis by then! And on to another one...)

The first astronauts sent to Mars should be prepared to spend the rest of their lives there, in the same way that European pioneers headed to America knowing they would not return home, says moonwalker Buzz Aldrin.

[He] said the Red Planet offered far greater potential than Earth's satellite as a place for habitation.

With what appears to be vast reserves of frozen water, Mars "is nearer terrestrial conditions, much better than the Moon and any other place," Mr Aldrin, 78, said in a visit to Paris.

The distance between the Red Planet and Earth varies between 55 million kilometres and more than 400 million kilometres. ...this means a round trip to Mars would take around a year and a half.

"That's why you [should] send people there permanently," Mr Aldrin said.

"If we are not willing to do that, then I don't think we should just go once and have the expense of doing that and then stop."

He asked "If we are going to put a few people down there and ensure their appropriate safety, would you then go through all that trouble and then bring them back immediately, after a year, a year-and-a-half?"

NASA and the European Space Agency (ESA) are sketching tentative
plans for a manned mission to Mars that would take place around 2030 or
2040. ...the mission would entail about half a dozen people, with life-support
systems and other gear pre-positioned for them on the Martian surface.

Mr Aldrin said the vanguard could be joined by others, making a colony of around 30 people.

"They need to go there more with the psychology of knowing that you
are a pioneering settler and you don't look forward to go back home
again after a couple of years," he said.

"At age 30, they are given an opportunity. If they accept, then we
train them, at age 35, we send them. At age 65, who knows what advances
have taken place. They can retire there, or maybe we can bring them
back."

Many scientists argue that sending humans to Mars is a waste of money compared with unmanned missions that deliver more science and point out the risks from psychological stress and damage to DNA from fast-moving sub-atomic particles called cosmic rays.

Mr Aldrin, though, argued that given the time lag in communications between Earth and Mars, it made sense to have human explorers who could make decisions swiftly and on the spot.
Indeed:

'So mate, whadaya reckon? Bout time for a beer?'

Friday, 26 September 2008

Job vacancy!

I heard these guys are needing crane operators...





...frequently.


(Best if you click on the photo for a larger version. Uh, unless you suffer from vertigo of course...)

Monday, 1 September 2008

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

The 'F' word...

Let me know how you feel when you read these quotes:

I love my father as the stars - he's a bright shining example and a happy twinkling in my heart. ~Adabella Radici


There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994


If you're like me you'll roll your eyes and mutter, "Yeah, right...".


But, occasionally I come across people - often through blogs, and quite possibly through fictional movies... - who have a great relationship with their dad! And I'm amazed. I can't quite comprehend it. I mean, my dad isn't a bastard, some evil horrid person. He just was never much interested in me. No cuddles or advice; no warm support. Mum would have to pester him to spend time with me. So, no warm-and-fuzzies like some people seem to have. No strong, reliable or emotionally connected head-of-family.

The other day, on the phone to my mum, I mentioned to her that I was starting to wonder if other people actually had 'real' dads. You know, how dads are supposed to be: Loving, supportive, spend time with you and are interested in you, create a safe place for you. You feel he's someone strong and caring who you can rely on and... well... he's someone who obviously loves you. You are special and have an important place in his heart. I told mum I was beginning to be suspicious that these men actually existed. She said no way. She couldn't fathom that at all. Obviously a completely foreign concept to her too.


So, as it's stuck in my head, I thought I'd put it out there to you lot and see if any of you feel you have a wonderful dad. You know, one with all the good stuff! Or, do you know of any in existence?
I find it hard to believe... but, I just have to ask!






The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. ~Bertrand Russell



[This has also come up because someone recently pointed out to me what I'd been missing from my father - as if these nice, fatherly things could have and should have been provided. What the...! Really? And also because I'm reading A. S. Byatt's 'The Shadow of the Sun' which has a similarly distant father.]

Sunday, 18 May 2008

POP-u-lar

Lord, but I am so tired of hearing "alcopops"! Alcopops, alcopops, alcopops!!! Will it ever go away?!! (It's really enough to drive one to drink...)

"Alcopops" is a silly Brit term. And it's a silly tax that Labor's applying too. Of course it's just for revenue and to close a tax 'loophole'. (Not that they'll steadily admit this.)

But don't get me wrong. I fully support it!!!

Obviously this is not because I have a hate of drunken teenagers... that would be a bit hypocritical as I was one myself (and never used a mixer - What? Dilute it? Horrors!!). (Oh, and when times were tough it was onto the 4-litre Fruity Lexia. Hey. If it was good enough for us...)

No, I'm in support of the tax hike cause the biggest consumers of premix drinks are big-gutted, 30-40-something, ute-drivin' blokes... (such as my ex for example, who was (regularly and overly) fond of premixed bourbon and colas, which I think is absolutely disgusting, as coke will rot your gut).

Plus, the tax increase is also targeting people who obviously have no taste. Which is only fair really. A 'Poor Taste Tax'. (Shit. Hope it doesn't apply to ex-boyfriends...)

Friday, 9 May 2008

THIS WEEK'S TOP 3 - STUBBORN & ANNOYING

1. Burma's Junta

Burma's military regime is being stubborn and annoying:

...delaying visas for UN workers and other relief agencies. While the regime said little, observers said the reason for hesitation was clear: the junta fears an influx of foreigners could spur fresh unrest following pro-democracy protests last September, which were put down violently.



Our PM is also finding them annoying:


The nation's military Government has refused permission for the US to send aid to the country, and its troops have been accused of doing little to help the clean-up.

Mr Rudd has told Fairfax Radio that it is "obscene" that Burma's junta is obstructing the world's efforts to help the cyclone victims.


"The Burmese regime is behaving appallingly," Mr Rudd told Fairfax Radio Network.

Mr Rudd spoke to Australia's ambassador Bob Davis this morning, who told him the Burmese military hadn't budged on the issue of foreign help overnight.

"(This is) not just frustrating our own aid agencies but frustrating the international community," he said.

Mr Rudd believes the junta may have even turned back two of four UN workers who arrived in Burma last night to carry out a critical assessment of the situation.

"This is an extraordinary reaction. What can we do about it?" he said.

"I'm hoping later today or over the course of the weekend to speak with the secretary-general of the United Nations to see what we can do globally to leverage the Burmese into a better course of action."

Four United Nations aid planes reached Burma overnight but there has been widespread criticism of the junta's reluctance to allow more aid in.

Oh, and there also looks like - apart from all the dead and the 1.5 million homeless - there's an outbreak of cholera.


UPDATE 9/5:
Rescue crews have been deported by Burma's military junta, just a day after arriving in the disaster-stricken nation.

The Burmese government declared it is "not ready" for foreign search-and-rescue teams following the devastating cyclone, which has left some 100,000 dead and millions without homes.
UPDATE 2:
Burma's junta has impounded two United Nations food aid shipments at Rangoon airport, officials said, triggering more outrage at the military government's refusal to accept a major international relief operation.

"We're going to have to shut down our very small airlift operation until we get guarantees from the authorities," a furious World Food Program (WFP) regional director Tony Banbury told CNN.

"It should be on trucks headed to the victims. You've seen the conditions they are in. That food is now sitting on a tarmac doing no good," Mr Banbury said.

UPDATE 10/5: Some aid getting through (Tim Costello, World Vision). And Rudd tells UN "Australia will offer further aid to Burma after the initial commitment of $3 million."



2. Hillary Clinton

Not that she can compete with the Burmese junta...






But what is she thinking? How froward can one be to stick around this long? [Although, really, worse is to come at #3]


Lies about being under sniper-fire; 'blends in' (oh, just remarkably so) with the 'blue-collars' with her sudden beer-swillin', gun-totin' ways; and wearing a saints bracelet to get the Catholic vote. Eg:

"You know, my dad took me out behind the cottage that my grandfather built on a little lake called Lake Winola outside of Scranton and taught me how to shoot when I was a little girl," she said.

Asked when she last fired a gun or attended church services, Clinton said the query was "not a relevant question in this debate."


Also: '...in an instantly notorious interview with USA Today, Clinton was back to arguing her superior electability. “There was just an A.P. article posted that found how Senator Obama’s support among working, hardworking Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how the whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me,” she said. “ There’s a pattern emerging here.”'

Classy.

And now she's running out of money, and more and more people in her own party are wanting her to give up already!



Not even this is stopping her!













Although... it must hurt quite a bit. (Don't he look happy!)




Along with news headings such as:


Democrats wait and wonder when Hillary Clinton will concede defeat


The latest on Hillary's journey to the exit

And:

It's over

Dated 6th of March!!

Plus, UPDATE:
And the New York Post hit the streets with cruel tabloid succinctness: a picture of the home-state senator over a single word—“TOAST!”—in block letters three inches high.


Someone show her the light! The green one. With E - X - I - T on it...





3. Liberal Party Leaders


EXAMPLE A: Brendan Nelson








Back to 9%... again.







Last week gave us, with an I-just-watched-Bambi-and-cried-my-eyes-out expression, the great comment of:

Every mother loves her baby, every baby is valued and Mr Rudd should value all babies equally.

We should not live in Australia where Mr Rudd thinks that some babies are more valuable than others, it's very, very important that Mr Rudd understand that every mother loves her baby and this should be an Australia where all babies are equal.

(Er... They're measuring the finances of the P-A-R-E-N-T!)



UPDATE 10/5: Lenore's perfectly titled column 'Rich mums love their children too, say Libs' quotes Brendan from 1998 defending the government's mean-testing of the childcare cash rebate:

"I thought, what an extraordinary situation where you can have someone who I know has a household income in excess of half a million dollars actually thinking about changing a vote on the basis of whether or not they will receive a non-means tested childcare cash rebate," he said.

"The whole point is any government needs to ensure that those who are most in need are the people who receive most of the benefits that government provides. You have to ask yourselves, have we lost the plot or haven't we?"


See, Rudd's not the only one who can ask himself (sensible) questions. Perhaps ol' 9%-Brendan should get back into the habit.



Then there's this article:

RECALLING British prime minister Harold Wilson's observation that a week is a long time in politics, Brendan Nelson says that the 23 weeks since the federal election have been a political eternity. It shows. The Opposition is displaying all the symptoms of relevance deprivation syndrome, as former Labor minister Gareth Evans once described it.

I was thinking more Cerebral Deficit Syndrome meself...

And he reckons the problem of inflation is kinda made up. Article continues:

The Opposition's political strategy is not hard to divine. As quickly as it can, it wants to shift the blame for anything that goes wrong with the economy from the Coalition to Labor. ... But constructing this political edifice has strained his credibility. It is not only the Government taking inflation seriously. The Reserve Bank said on Tuesday that "inflation in Australia has been high over the past year" and it has been putting up interest rates to counter it. Everyone who buys petrol or does the shopping knows prices are going up. Yet Nelson is seriously suggesting that if only the Government stopped talking about it, it would go away.

(cartoon source)

And Liberal CDS is catching...


EXAMPLE B: Troy Buswell

Party decides to keep him after his insulting sexist comments, bra-strap-snapping and chair sniffing shenanigans.

Even though they are expecting MORE SUCH THINGS TO COME!

THE woman at the centre of the seat-sniffing scandal involving West Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell says he writhed in mock sexual pleasure during the incident.
The woman... told The West Australian newspaper that Mr Buswell sniffed her chair twice within 10 minutes, while groaning and making "sexually satisfying noises".

"We finished the meeting (with a constituent), I walked the bloke downstairs and out of parliament, and when I got back I walked into the room to pick up my notepad from the desk and Buswell started grabbing the chairs going `aahww, which one did you sit in? I'll be able to tell'," she said.

"And then he picked them up and started sniffing them and groaning and making sexually satisfying noises. I went, `you're sick, knock it off', and grabbed my staff and walked out, but he didn't pay attention to a word I said."

The woman said she was standing with colleagues about 10 minutes later when one of them knocked on Mr Buswell's door to ask one of his staff to lunch.

"Buswell opened the door really wide, grabbed a chair and started sniffing it, lifted it above his head sniffing it and breathing in, going `aaww yeah'," the woman said.

"It was awful. My colleagues, the four men I worked with, were just stunned into silence."




1. Is this not enough?


2. Is not more of this not enough?


3. What WILL be ENOUGH to GET RID OF ALL THESE STUBBORN AND ANNOYING BUGGERS!

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Woof!

Troy Buswell has been dealing with some difficulties lately. WA’s Liberal Party appears to be in competition with the federal party as they create new definitions for ‘leadership’.

Not only has Mr Buswell had to admit to being drunk and snapping open a woman's bra, plus making sexist remarks against other women in Parliament. Now he has had to deny (13 times in one breath) and then admit to sniffing the chair of a female staffer after a meeting in his office.



It was alleged that Mr Buswell lifted her chair and started sniffing it in front of her after she had finished interviewing a constituent.

He then allegedly repeated the act moments later in front of several Liberal staff members.

“I was just checking to see if the bitch was in heat”, the gentleman explained.

It's understood that the woman had warned Mr Buswell about his pranks before.

On a previous occasion, he had allegedly crawled around on his hands and knees in front of the same woman pretending to be her husband.




Luckily he is well supported by his party's minister for women's interests so that he won't be losing any female votes in the upcoming election:


Shadow women’s interests minister Helen Morton said Mr Buswell, who had recognised his past behaviour was unacceptable, had her full support.

“There is an absolute commitment on behalf of Troy. He has made a huge effort to understand the insensitivities of (that) behaviour and has made a huge forward movement,” she said.



Yes. It is good of her to recognise and explain to voters that a man who has to make a "huge effort" to know that sniffing a woman's chair is at all wrong, really would be making a "huge forward movement".



It will also be a boost for him to hear that the well revered and 'secure' Liberal leader Brendan Nelson has today said: "Mr Buswell enjoys my confidence and my support."



Also, the WA "deputy Liberal leader, Kim Hames, stood by Mr Buswell, while admitting there was no one to replace him."



Really. How much support can a guy take?



Apparently he did it just to get a laugh... He must be so pleased now that he’s (thoroughly) succeeded.

Thursday, 24 April 2008

Willy. Stolen. Reward given!!!

And the excuse used to be, 'Sorry honey, I've just had a little too much to drink'!


Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread...

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week... They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

'Rumours of penis theft...'.

Beware of men with gold rings!

(Love it!)



Purported victims claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear,

[not a skill I would be bragging about...]

in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

Jeez. You'd think one salesman could recognise another.



Unfortunately, people being accused of this kind of witchcraft (hide your wedding band people!) are being beaten. There've even been 'attempted lynchings'.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," police chief Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it?'," he said.


Hmm. Good point. (I think...)

Friday, 11 April 2008

Musings upon Gordon Ramsey

Good God!

Do Channel 9 realise what effect they're having on the general population by putting Gordon Ramsey on twice a week? I mean, I've noticed myself - instead of my usual expression of 'Oh dear' or 'Gosh golly gee' - dryly saying "Fuck me..." when needing to express my disappointment lately.

For example, in a traffic jam the other day... ('Oh, fuck me!', *tsk*,etc.) Of course, being Perth it was merely a little temporary congestion at a couple of traffic lights, but, you know... don't burst our bubble...


You can just imagine any little ones up past 8:30 are now going to kindy and pre-school saying to little Johnny in the sandpit: 'Oh. Fuck me dead! What a mess! You're going to ki-i-ill someone!'.

Kids pick up on these things you know.

My mum recalls me as a toddler mildly exclaiming 'Bloody hell' (was this really still considered swearing in the 70s?) after stepping in a mud puddle for example. Of course I went through a phase of repeating it often (yet somewhat applicably... to my credit) and my parents and sweet grandparents would have to cover their smirks and repress their giggles so as not to encourage me.



Anyway, I noticed last night that dear, assertive Gordon was saying that he was increasingly popular in the gay community. And I wondered briefly if this was due to his manly aggression or because he can cook.
I suppose I should have thought they might find him attractive... as, I've noticed, the older women usually do.
But I don't find him all that attractive.
Mind you, he is growing on me, as I appreciate he has damn big cajones -- figuratively speaking of course, let's not dwell on any other images...



...damn, too late.



So, not being the type of guy to attract me - really just using Mr Ramsey (ooh, that could be why they like him!) as an example here; follow along, I do have a point - you'd think he'd not be the type I'd go out with.
But, you see, what I do is say to myself, Well, he's an interesting type. I wonder what makes him tick. Don't think I've really known anyone like him before. It would be fascinating to get to know him better (meaning - it usually turns out in my life - live with the guy* - I really don't do things in half-measures) so I can see what he is like at all different levels.

Yes, basically: There's an interesting lab rat. This could be a groovy and educating life experience. Why not make him my boyfriend and test some hypotheses?!

(Not, of course, that I've knowingly done this, but I know that intrigue has often been stronger than attraction for me. Of course, intrigue is actually a part of attraction, but I don't think it is really enough of a reason to shack up with someone...)


So, having noted this in my musings upon Gordon Ramsey, I then think how it would turn out.
Probably like the others...
He'd be attracted to me but not 'get me'.
Whilst I'm delving into some philosophical conundrum or analysis of life, he'd say "Who fucking gives a shit! What are you going on about?".
He wouldn't partake in persiflages of mild wit and amusing sarcasm, but instead would ramble on about some story concerning himself which involves no discussion, nor entails what I consider wit at all.
When I'd get emotional about something he'd look at me incredulously and repeat, "Who fucking gives a shit! What are you going on about? Don't be so fucking stupid!".
Of course Gordon might also put his creased-up face close to mine, gesticulate sternly with one hand in the air, and shout "Be A MAN!!!".

But, this is nothing to do with Gordon Ramsey (who is married btw - Also... he says 'my darlin'' to the ladies a lot, so he might come home and say 'How are you my darlin'?' - which could be sweet... or, increasingly annoying). He might be a lovely guy to go out with and really not have much of a free-running temper at all...!

Or not.

Anyway, he's fascinating in that he's interested in understanding others and pin-pointing their faults. And I love that he has the balls to actually tell them these flaws (eg. 'I think you're a fucking fake!'), and then stand close, hand on chin, peering intently at them to see how they'll react.

I mean really, Dr Phil looks a complete wuss next to Gordon.



But that is of course beside the point as I am just reinforcing the lesson that I might in future want to aim at dating guys I'm attracted to and keep the enigmas in the laboratory (which I'm now going to build in a new wing next to the spare bedroom - boy, I've really got this sorted now!).


Actually, to be more thorough -as I really haven't rambled on about this enough - what I've learned here (and really, who knew Kitchen Nightmares could be so profoundly educational) is that intrigue or interest is a major factor of attraction for me so I need to wait for a guy I am not merely generally attracted to, but one which also has enough depth, complexity and layers (in a healthy way, not a psycho way, but hey, I suppose I'm just being picky now) to hold my interest and appreciation.

Hopefully an opportunity for a more complete study of this hypothesis will eventuate one day (eg. Table 1: Comparison of responses to layers of intrigue as defined by layers numbered 1-87 on a rating scale of 'yawn' to 'take me now you gorgeous hunk of man!!')


* Of course, if I think the guy is merely very nice (and I'm not attracted to him and he doesn't intrigue me) then I will just marry him. Or so I've noticed.

Sunday, 23 March 2008

Hey big boy...

Is that a drug stash in your trousers, or are you just ecstatic to see me?


(sorry. couldn't resist.)

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Sorting my male

Looking through my mail today I found one envelope which had my address but no name on it.

Oh, what are they trying to sell me now
, I thought.


I opened it - expecting some disappointment like cheap printer ink cartridges, some new cleaning product or teddy bear address labels - and what did I see but this!
























Woo hoo!
I thought. That's more like it! Just what I've been looking for!!


You can imagine how disappointed I was to turn this hunk of man over and read an ad for a new fitness centre in the area.


Shame.


Just when I thought he might be on sale....

...

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

Yoo-hoo!

Been a while, so let me get you up to date.


Moving: Grrrr...


Election: Yay!

Noted that-

a) During J Howard's speech his Mrs was telling him what to say and do (as usual). Apparently it all went sour because of his arrogance and because he stopped listening to his advisors and payed attention to Janette re career advice. Which is fair enough really. Not like his job was important or anything. Not like it was going to affect anyone else in their own careers or anything (I actually felt sorry for Costello, yes, I admit it).

b) During K Rudd's speech noted that his Mrs was looking at him with love and respect. Could read her feelings clearly on her face. Was quite lovely to see.

Also. I got quite emotional when J Gillard made her own little speech that evening. Yes, I was teary. But our first female deputy PM! I would say 'woo hoo!' but really, 'it's about bloody time' seems more appropriate.

And the next morning I awoke with a smile on my face and a song playing in my head: "Let's Hear it for the Boy".
Quite irritating, but understandable I suppose...


New Home: Only housewarming gift I've received so far is a packet of Petunia seeds in the mail from BigPond. Am considering actually using them but only if I can manage to look at the furture blooms without thinking of bloody Telstra (wankers).


My Box: (The one that's plugged in that is.*) Surprised myself with swooning over the ABC's (BBC's) Jane Eyre. I believe there was only one or two moments in which I rolled my eyes (as is my usual fashion with romances). Is this what happens when you are single for a year? You become all soppy and daydreamy? Or can I blame the dashing Toby Stephens?

You know, it was driving me nuts for a while trying to figure out who he was reminding me of. I tried to assume it was just some Hugh Grant mannerisms, but the niggle wouldn't leave me.

And, thankfully my brain only came through for me on this once the program had finished...
as it was the foppish Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, BBC's interior design specialist.











Pretty close eh?


* Oh shush with your tittering. I can hear you!

Saturday, 10 November 2007

News & nonsense

Is it just me or is the news extra depressing lately? I find I cannot sit through it in recent days; I have to turn it off before I fall to the floor in a foetal ball of soggy sobbing (not always the best of looks).

Neither is this predicament greatly assisted by the tail end - the pointy end? - of the election campaign. I believe 'repetition' may now be more accurately defined as 'brain washing'. How dumb do these pollies think we are? And how dumb does Howard look repeating the same answers to every question? Blah blah interest rates? Not my fault but I can still control them best. (wtf?) Don't forget I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah cost of living? I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah AWAs? I'm the best one to steer the economy. Blah blah your favourite colour? I'm the best to steer the economy.

And they thought Reagan was a robot...


Driving me nuts.


[Smooth segue follows.]


What I'm also thinking is nuts lately, to get away from the dreary news, is past relationships.

Leaving sex aside, what my ex-husband (Hex for short - a particularly apt sobriquet considering his predisposition for presenting a phony persona and his overall commitment to manipulation) and my more Recent ex (Rex for short - no, this doesn't suit him at all) miss the most about me is: my scintillating conversation.

This makes sense re Hex, as he and I were actually able to partake of reasonably interesting tete-a-tetes. Although, he never liked to really debate anything too much (whereas I can do this endlessly) he did at least converse.

Whereas Rex showed great disinterest, even disdain, for most things I tend to discourse upon. This didn't just include personal stuff or speaking of my family and friends, but also anything metaphysical, analytical, profound or even observatory.
Yet, when I spoke to him last night he confessed that my prattling on about such things was what he really missed.
I replied, 'But you always told me to shut up!'
'Yeah, but now I miss it.'
'?!'


He's trying to tell me that he's changed and learnt. Makes it sound like now he would be interested to hear my thoughts and ideas. Yeah right. Twice now we've had a go at a relationship, and after both he's repeatedly said that he kicks himself every day, really regrets that he didn't do better, didn't appreciate me enough. I gave him another chance last time after he'd said all that, but he still messed up. So I'm clear, very clear, that there's no way he's getting another chance. Friends only from now on.

Plus, the guy I mentioned that I have a wee crush on - who I'm sensibly aware is still likely not up to my newly rather high (or at least 'higher') standards - when, rather innocently and allegedly, sharing his opinion of me said I am interesting to talk to. Must be true eh? Mind you, at least this guy has the sense to realise this without having had a relationship with me - especially one in which he has actually complained of my speaking (re Rex: really, it's just ridiculous*).




* surely my alliteration of the week.

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

Schoolyard boys


Mai has a story of when she broke a boy's arm at school. I was reminded of this recently and recalled that I too broke a guy's arm at school. Although I'll admit I was less hands-on than Mai (who is quite the formidable opponent). Was no 'hands-on' at all actually.

I was going to elementary school in the US at the time. The boy whose arm I was to break sat next to me in my Year Three class. His name was Chad. Yes, seriously.

Anyway, Chad had the hots for me. It was so serious that he gave me scratch n' sniff stickers. The good ones too, like grape. The attention was nice at first but then it got creepy. He would follow me all day, keep trying to talk to me or touch me. Every time I looked around he'd be nearby and staring at me. I think he even stole from my lunch box and followed me home from school.

It got so that I felt sick at the thought of going to school and tried to get out of it. I'd try the stomachache approach - cause I really did have one I was that anxious. And then came the tears but they were real too cause I was shit scared.

Neither worked.

Mum didn't understand why I didn't want to go. If I'd known all that grown-up, handy stuff called 'wisdom' and 'experience' I'd have said, 'Cause I'm being stalked by a maniac loser called Chad!!!'. But for some reason I was unable to get my point across.



Fortunately, it turned out that Chad's eagerness to impress me solved my problem. The school playground had a great, towering jungle gym. A high metal structure made of lots of crossed over poles so it looked like lots of cubes [see pic but imagine it, you know, without the birds].

Anyway, I recall walking past this contraption set on the sawdust that is abundant in US playgrounds (on the west coast in the 80s at least). Ol' Chad had climbed up to the top with his mates and was intent on showing off. He was doing some sort of daredevil contortion hanging off the side of it whilst looking down at me to see if I was impressed with his grand display of acting like an utter monkey.

I believe I thought something along the lines of, 'That idiot, I hope he falls off', turned my head and heard THUD, 'Aah!'. I looked back to see Chad covered in sawdust and holding his arm. He started crying. Chad really wasn't doing a good job of impressing me.

I believe it was not only me but Chad too who considered this my fault. He still looked at me after that but kept his distance and it was more of a scowl than his previous puppy-dog look.

I don't recall him staying at the school for much longer either.

Hopefully it taught him to desist with his stalkerish ways!

-----

I'll admit I wasn't the toughest kid in elementary school but I did enjoy a bit of a tumble with the boys (the cute ones - still do).

My favourite game was when they would come and chase me and grab me - after I slowed down so they could catch me of course. The boy or boys would then pin my arm up behind my back in a half nelson and roughly escort me back to their hide out, ie. some isolated, grotty corner of the school grounds. They never hurt me cause my arms are quite long and flexible but I acted like it hurt of course, all part of the game acting helpless and such.

Not surprisingly, back at the hide out I would soon escape. The boys seemed a little relieved at this as they likely didn't really know what to do with me. A bit of a fight to escape was always fun too.

And then of course they'd catch me again...

-----

Now these boys giving me half nelsons were my friends. When I had a real fight it was only with my true enemies. The creepy boys who would call you names or pull your hair, laugh when you walked past or, horrors, make faces at you. These boys I usually kicked in the shins.

I recall there was one boy who did all this but was quite keen on me all the same. He wouldn't let me alone but I was pretty tough by now and fiercely held his soft little-boy hand and dug my thumbnail deep into the top of it. I did this each time I saw him. Scary eh? Although I stopped after he begged me. And I saw he had a dozen or more fierce looking scabs on his hand. And he was looking sad and scared. Poor boy. (I wonder if they scarred.)


Mind you it worked, he stopped bugging me. Took the hint. (Now why didn't I try that with my last boyfriend when he persisted after I ended it?... I suppose because his big hairy man-hands are pretty tough. *sigh* Life was much simpler when I was eight.)

-----

The fight I best remember at elementary school was one of those proper 'fights to end all fights' with my main male enemy. No more little skirmishes, it had to be decided once and for all. This fight was arranged formally by time and place. Yes, serious stuff.

We each had two friends with us as support. We faced off in the sawdust playground... And I kicked the shit out of him until he was flat on the ground.

Yay! I won!

I turned and began walking to my equally happy friends... whose faces suddenly fell just before I was shoved hard in the back. Bam! Down I went. And that stupid creep laughed and guffawed his head off like he'd won. Loser.

Cheat.


Dumb boys.


-----

You all have similar schoolyard tales, yes?

...
...

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

I'm the blogger to see for Hot Gay Dwarfs, baby!

Ooh, have finally had a peep at my stats and I see I'm at 996 visitors!

[Hey, I've only been on here since May; that anyone comes here is a marvel to me (you wonderful souls you!).]

I will have to persuade The Man at the Pub to make me a commemorative plate (he's good at that stuff).


Actually. No... I think I'd prefer a commemorative snow dome, perhaps with blooms or petals instead of snowflakes. Well maybe some silver glitter too - you know, coz I wants it ta be classy.


***If you suspect you are the 1000th visitor, send your snow dome request to
The Man at the Pub (I'm sure he'll be thrilled).***





Anyway - re stats - having a gander at referrals was interesting.

When I've checked before the search queries have been pretty dull. A lot of people come here looking for Ian McEwan (re my 'burn this book before you read it' book review). Probably some studious school students or something. Poor things. I don't think I'll have helped them much.


I also would guess I have considerably failed the lost souls who came here hoping to find:


"Hot gay dwarfs"


"Bosom betties" (?)


Info regarding: "ejac under water"


"Dwayne Johnson tight pants"


"bitch free fuck"



They all come with colourful mental imagery don't they?



Now, that last one... This person is wanting to find a bitch to fuck for free...? How much of a bitch can she be if she's handing roots out to random internet perves for free?!

Or, perhaps he is just a gentle soul trying to find a 'fuck' that is free of nasty, cruel ladies? The poor love has made 'sweet-sweet-candy' to too many heartless wenches and is just looking for a lovely lass to cuddle up to.

Yes. That sounds nice. I'll go with that. La la la la la....





Before I go, I'll bring your attention to the fact that I've bowed to public pressure and returned to looking like Vivien Leigh. I'm really very lovely now.

*preen preen*

Again I say, who could compete with this:













Although, this is my fav pick of her:











Feel free to think up some apt LOL Kitteh speak.



BTW. Have I told you how nice *ahem* I was to cats as a babe? No? Will add it to another post then.





***********

P.S. Is another NEW POST BELOW. I hope you will read it and follow the links (look, really, how often do I ask this of you? NEVER. No. So it must be important. Yes. I'll be clear: this is doing no one a favour - except yourself... IMHO at least).