Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Kevin goes to Japan!

Prime Minister Fukuda!
*says in Japanese* "My name is Kevin, I'm from Australia, thank you very much".

Konnichiwa Mr Rudd san. Ogenki desu ka?
I did not know you spoke Japanese as well as Mandarin!

Uh... "My name is Kevin, I'm from Australia, thank you very much". ...Hai!

Please, have a seat.

Oh, thank you. Hai! You know, you can call me Kevin if you like... Or, 'the Ruddster'. Heh. Even though you're not one of the group... You know, like 'the Swanster' and 'the Gillster', or sometimes I call her 'the Gillmeister.' You can be 'the Fukster'! Uh... hai!

*some sake is poured*

Tell me, have you been well?

Well yes, hai, thank you. But I did have a dodgy dagwood dog or something the other day, I don't know. All I know is the consequences were graphic! Ha!

Ah. But better than a bad blowfish, yes?

Hai! Yes! Ha ha. Speaking of seafood. I wanted to say that this thing with killing whales is really just not on. You know, I just feel I have to tell you this.

Yes. But, Mr Rudd san. I noticed that your Department of Defence killed 514 kangaroos recently... your national emblem I believe.

Well, no... I mean, it's not officially our national emblem, and that's a Red Kangaroo on the Australian Coat of Arms, you know, these were Grey Kangaroos...




*both sip some warm sake*

Mr Fukuda. I hope this won't stop you giving us lots of money for our exports...

And Mr Rudd san, I hope you will continue to provide us with large amounts of coal and iron ore.

And Mr Fukuda san, I hope you will make some hybrid cars for us.

Sono you desu ne. Looks like we (already) will be!

*clink sake cups*

Speaking of saving the planet, did you know I've just announced that Japan will aim to
cut greenhouse gas emissions by 60 to 80 per cent by 2050 and we're going to launch an experimental carbon market?

Really. That sounds great! *sips sake*

Yes. I compared the grand scope of the effort to the Industrial Revolution, and then I said "I believe that we need to make an effort to create a low-carbon revolution so that our descendants 200 years from now will look back and be proud of us." Impressive, hai?

Hai. Hai. Did you hear I've just announced that Australia will set up a Nuclear Non-Proliferations and Disarmament Commission?

Indeed? *sips sake*

Oh, and I visited Hiroshima. I wrote, "Let the world resolve afresh from the ashes of this city - to work together for the common mission of peace for this Asia-Pacific century, and for a world where one day nuclear weapons are no more."

Impressive Mr Rudd san.

I thought so. You know, you can be co-chair if you like!

Much appreciation Mr Rudd san. *mutters* Although I suppose you're happy to keep selling uranium to China... And who will be the head of this important commission?



Yeah, bonza bloke Biggles. But I'll warn you, it's a good idea to keep an eye out for flying ashtrays! Ha ha!

I shall make a note.

Yeah, ol' Bluey. He'll love it. Hey, I heard one of your lot is buying that Bald Hills wind farm project at Tarwin Lower in Victoria. You know, some Vics are none too pleased about it.

Victoria! Hontou desu ka? Really? Oh, Tarwin! Not Taiwan Lower! Ah...! Just when we thought we'd gotten one over on the Chinese... *gulps sake*

You know Mr Fukuda. This has been a jolly good chat. I hope you don't feel I've been ignoring you lately.

Mr Rudd san. I do have bigger things to worry about... elections Sunday did not go well for my party. I'm not very popular, rating below 20%, the opposition is bullying me and planning to censure me.... *gulps more sake*

Uh, well hopefully things will be better on my next visit! *shakes hands in a cheery manner*

Most likely I won't be here Mr Rudd san.

Oh. Below 20% you say? Uh, Mr Fukuda. Have you heard of Brendan Nelson?

Would he be like Gordon Brown?

Oh no, even better than Gordon Brown! Here. Let me give you his number...