Saturday, 8 August 2009

Thanks Mr Hughes

John Hughes is dead. Apparently he made movies such as those goofy looking Home Alone ones, but I've never seen them and frankly don't really care.

All I care is that the man made Ferris Bueller's Day Off and, when a young teenager, I loved and knew that film so well I could pretty much recite the entire script from memory. Even the other week I was at a dinner party where one person - I think inspired because someone had asked to pass the butter - began "Hey batta batta batta, s-wing batta!". To which the person next to me continued, "He-can't-hit, he-can't-hit, he-can't-hit, he-can't-hit," and I immediately concluded, "S-wing batta." Then the dinner conversation continued as normal. For us Gen-Xers Ferris Bueller is pretty much engrained in our cerebra.

Some of my favourite quotes:

Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter.
-Ism's in my opinion are not good.
A person should not believe in an -ism,
he should believe in himself.
I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in the Beatles,
I just believe in me."
Good point there. After all,
he was the walrus.
I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.

Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron: [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty... This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God damn it!

Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.
Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron: You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.

Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone
Simone: No problem whatsoever.

Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Grace: Mmm-hmm.
Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.

Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.

(I even remember at which
point there's the screech of chalk and the guy waking up with drool on his desk...)
Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.

Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.

Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land...?let my Cameron go!"

Shermerite: Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Excuse me?
Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. They run about 50 g's, so if you wouldn't mind helping out...
Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.
Shermerite: I'm sorry?
Jeannie: You should be.
[Knocks the can out of his hand]
Shermerite: Hey, hey, hey! What if you get a favour some day from Ferris Bueller? Then where will you be, huh!? You heartless wench!

('Heartless wench' was a favoured insult for me and my friends from then on.)

Maitre D': Look, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse?
Ferris: Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am?
Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris: Snooty?
Maitre D': Snotty.
Ferris: Snotty?

Maitre D': I weep for the future.


Hughes also made The Breakfast Club (if you're like me you're now hearing the tune 'Don't you, forget about me...', which is ok; makes me think of the cute guy, you know, Judd Nelson (please, please leave my blog immediately if you thought Emilio Estevez!)). By the way, I was oft compared to the Ally Sheedy character. This actually made some sense, a lot more than when kids compared me to Martika (remember those Toy Soldiers moves anyone?) or the chick from Texas whom I was nothing like... except, well, kinda cool of course... our hair was just the same really...

And Hughes wrote Pretty in Pink. A friend of mine regularly watches Two and a Half Men and when I see Jon Cryer I can't help but call him Duckie (much to my friend's annoyance, as he's no idea who Duckie is). And today I read: I met Jon Cryer two summers ago on the set of "Two and a Half Men" and he admitted that he still hears fans call him "Duckie" wherever he goes, whereas no one calls him "Alan" from "Men.

(Quite interesting to imagine is the yummy Robert Downey Jnr in the role of Duckie. Hughes considered him before casting Cryer. He also sought Jodie Foster before Ringwald, and Anjelica Houston for Iona. I would have liked to have seen that movie!)

Duckie was gorgeous. I watched Pretty In Pink several times and it was mostly for Duckie. Not so much for Andie, Molly Ringwald's character who, although she had a couple of yes-I-have-a-spine moments was annoyingly sappy. I mean, ugh, Blane? Prom? Prom? Stop being such a soft girly girl for godssake!!! I mean, check out Duckie in the clip below. It's when he performs Otis. Ah Otis. I only heard of Otis, and now love Otis, cause of this film.

Due to this film and the charms of Duckie I would oft quote his lines (both to be applied when ready to withdraw one's presence from the room) "I'm off like a dirty shirt" and "Let's plow." Ah. All class.

I also liked:

Iona: I know I'm old enough to be his mother, but when the Duck laid that kiss on me last night, I swear my thighs just went up in flames! He must practice on melons or something.

Andie: You know your talking like that just because I'm going out with Blane
Duckie: His name is Blane? Oh, oh! That's a major appliance!! That's not a name!

Indeed. And she should have ended up with Duckie, not that bland bloody Blane!! Who were those idiots in the focus group wanting the ending changed!!? She orignally ended up with Ducky (there's a dvd with this ending), but they thought she should be with Mr No Personality. Oh, pullleeeze! (Look, I'm thirteen all over again!)

You know, I think I was able to like some of the girly shit in the film because... well, because the part below could have been in my life almost word for word (leaving out the 'rich' bit and such. *sigh* Ugh, dumb first loves... *grumble grumble* Stoopid broken heart...)

Blane: What do you want to hear?
Andie: Tell me!
Blane: What?
Andie: You're ashamed to be seen with me.
Blane: No, I am not!
Andie: You're ashamed to go out with me. You're terrified that you're goddamn rich friends won't approve.
[Andie hits Blane]
Andie: Just say it!
[Andie hits him again]
Andie: Just tell me the truth!
Blane: You don't understand that it has nothing at all do with you.

Ah, and it's still a mystery to me.

As the bouncer says to Duckie: 'Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch.'

These films had such words of wisdom.

So, high school sucked. But dear ol' John Hughes made it that much more bearable. And for that minor miracle I thank him.

Duckie: It's called a sense of humor - you should get one - they're nice.