Can I begin with some reasonably 'right' crushes? They would be George Clooney (I have even heard straight men say if they had to be with a guy it would be George...), Michael Vartan, Clark Gable, Jeff Buckley, Gotye, and a couple of guys from Grey's Anatomy... well... ok, fine... about four of them.
Pretty close to shameful, but I'm not sure about 'wrongest', are Owen Wilson (wonky nose and all), Brendan Julian and a young gentleman on Supernatural (I began watching the show this year after I happened to see him and his younger, tv-show-brother sans shirts). Apart from his youth, this crush on Jensen Ackles is mostly shameful due to his earlier role on Days of Our Lives - that I even know this is also of some concern.
However, the man that's made me go weakest at the knees, my heart go pitter-pat and my body overheat so that I sit on the couch and fan myself like some old-Hollywood drama queen, would be Russian tennis player Marat Safin. Oh. my... But really he should be in the 'wrongs': his temper tantrums and dummy spits are quite off-putting. Although, all that swearing in Russian...
Enough delaying... May I just say that this was really hard. There are not many 'right' celebrities I've found attractive, so to recall the 'wrong' types I've had a crush on, however brief or shallow, has tortured my brain cells immensely. Made more difficult methinks by my subconscious desire to avoid the shame...
*takes deep breath* Let us begin with...
1. SHAUN CASSIDY
Yes! A Cassidy!I must have been about 6 when I had this wee crush, as The Hardy Boys ended in 1979. And wow did I have to strain to even recall this! But suddenly his image appeared, violently regurgitated from the murky depths of my memory. I didn't even know his name.
But I'm thinking he may be to blame for me occasionally finding The Strokes' singer, Julian Casablancas, a bit of a honey... You thinks?
2. JOHN SCHNEIDER
Again returning to girlhood. Back in the 80s I thought him a real sweetie pie. Plus, my girly crush on him helped me to sit through numerous mind-numbing episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard. Other than him I only really watched it for the car (honest).
3. MICHAEL HUTCHENCE
Well, it seems kinda wrong now, but when when I was 15 it made a whole lotta sense. He was the only guy who got a few - well, maybe, er, *cough* 20 or so - posters on my teen walls. I even know the dialogue to Dogs in Space by heart due to repeated viewings (was R-rated but the video store guy never questioned me, guess he was just happy that someone was renting it).4. RUPERT EVERETT
Clearly wrong as the man is gay and participated in Sydney's latest Mardi Gras.
But he may be having second thoughts about his 'gayness':
"I don't want to be carried out of a club wearing a tie-dye T-shirt and a cap on the wrong way around when I am 70".
And he may at least be available:
"Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game," he says.
"Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one, let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me."
5. BILL BRYSON
I first heard the adorable Mr Bryson many years ago on ABC late night radio when I wasn't well and couldn't sleep. His voice was divine (a mix of American and British) and his intellect and wit even more attractive. After that I sought out all his travels books and happily guffawed my way through them. Lovely chap. To have lunch with him and Terry Pratchett would be bliss, sheer jovial bliss.6. FRANK WOODLEY
I found myself attracted to Frank (hey, it gets worse, there's a Dwayne coming up) when seeing him on Spicks & Specks. Again it's a man who can tickle my funny bone, but I think he's physically appealing too (yes, I admit it, he is free to tickle other things if he so wishes, there, I've said it). Although, not in character as in this photo of course. He looks better here (and not just because he's wedged in between Colin Lane and Andrew Denton).
7. HUGH LAURIE
I have been watching House this year. Apparently moody, mean, drug-addicted Americans do it for me cause I wasn't attracted to HL previously (with his usual British accent, and various silly voices on Blackadder, etc). Could it be the perennial stubble of beard?
Mind you, I have always liked him, it's just that now I find him attractive too. Along with millions of middle-aged American women I'm sure. Oh well. They'll agree with the next one too.
8. HUGH GRANT
*hangs head in shame* I only realised this recently. And oh Lord do I feel a cliche. Yes, I admit it, I enjoy some movies primarily because he is in them. I guess it's that naughty little boy thing he (always!) does. Oh, what a sucker I am. There, I have confessed. Just don't tell anyone, OK?
9. LAURENCE LLEWLYN-BOWEN
Well now. I've had one gay man, and now I have a man who really ought to be gay with his artsy-fartsy-ness, flamboyant dress sense, hair flicking and great love of posing. (Check out his website and you'll see what I mean.) When I was hooked-up to Foxtel I saw him applying his interior design skills on a British show, Homefront. I'm over this wee crush now, but I did find him somewhat compelling. I don't know, maybe I just believed what he believed: that he's the most gorgeous man who ever existed. But honestly, he had some rather marvellous suits and shirts. There's something alluring about a man who knows how to dress.10. DWAYNE JOHNSON
Admitting a crush on a man named Dwayne must score me some points! AKA The Rock. Yes, a WWE professional wrestler. Does he make up for all the sissy men? Well, no. Not if you've seen him play a gay man in Be Cool (quite amusing too). Thankfully that did nothing for me (even with those tight, baby-blue polyester pants... especially with those tight, baby-blue polyester pants...). It was actually The Scorpion King. Yup. Beefcake. I am not immune.
