I must say I love this idea of Paul Keating being on a shortlist for the new G'day UK tourism campaign. Especially as the target audience is the same one that found our last campaign offensive due to the mild expletive of 'bloody hell'.
Of course Keating would never say anything like 'Where the bloody hell are you?'
I think it would be more like:
G'day scumbags.* Where the bloody hell are you, you mangy maggots? I mean, if you haven't got the f**king ticker to come to Australia, you donkeys, then you're all tip and no iceburg!
And don't you bloody tell me to mind my language, you stupid intellectual hobos with your inane stupidities. You're absolute mugs, you know that?
What really amuses me and almost makes me spew is that a bunch of dimwitted, dullards; mangy maggot, foul-mouthed grubs such as you gutless clowns would resort to absolute gutter tactics such as getting me in a bikini. You useless desperadoes are an absolute joke.
(And this was just to the advertising execs in rehearsal.)
Fortunately Rudd believes: "It’s about as probable as having John Howard and Paul Keating team up for a dual number in the Eurovision song contest... And probably about as likely of taking the prize."
*Yes. I researched this. (every phrase is true. except the bikini...)
P.S. - Of course it could be worse. It could be Belinda Neal: 'Come to Australia, or your babies will be born demons. De-e-e-mons. Mwhahahahahaaaaaa!'