Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Surprise, surprise, surprise...

Reminiscence: The Sundays, ‘Here’s Where the Story Ends’
(Ahh, don’t it just take you back…).

Right, so, here’s where the cheery story ends. Enough false bravado - life sucks (not that this is news, and hardly eloquent, but anyway… blunt can be good…).

It's tough being EB lately. I won’t go into the untidy details of the woe that is me. I’ll just explain that one of the things which brought this tough patch into my life was someone offering me something nice and being quite generous!

Sorry, that just doesn't work with me.

It made me so upset that I've had to ask them to never bring it up again (and therefore 'no' to their offer - well, not even offer, just plain 'gift').

Does anyone else have trouble receiving? Do you, dear reader, come apart at the seams and cry from a deep, ancient, retched grief within when someone is lovingly kind to you? And does this reaction make sense to anyone? I understand it a bit, but it's all so deep and abstruse it's not worth going into.
Basically… practically speaking, it's result is that I am unable to receive. So, universe, don't give me love or anything of importance as I just fall to pieces.

Anyhoo, it's nice to have some clarity upon my reality. (Look, it can’t be all bad - I’m rhyming!) At least now I can deal with my limitations up front. And who knows, with further clarity things might improve. But in the meantime, I recognise the need to keep anything good at arm's length; I know that this way my seams will stay tight and secure.
Paradox: Realizing how dead I am, I feel the most alive.

All is well really. Life’s both sweet and sour, etc... *hums a happy tune*

“so I cynically, cynically say, the world is that way
surprise, surprise, surprise…”

Ah, see, you never know where I'll go with this blog! One day it's all trivial quiz-mania and blondeness, and the next emotional trauma and despair! Oh, hooray for variety eh? (No? Oh well.)