Tuesday, 22 May 2007

B is for: Bee, Bunny, & Bums on seats

Sitting at my laptop this afternoon - trying to get some work done, but distracted by blogs, and my inquiry into how much John Howard has spent on comfy chairs [I’ll get to that later] – I was considering that the blurring of my vision meant I was in dire need of a break.

The universe apparently agreed with me: a bee dropped onto my keyboard.

I am proud to say that I did not squeal, or even flinch (of course, this may have been due to brain fatigue from not having said break).

Now, you may be picturing me sitting out in the sunshine, on soft green grass with a blossoming eucalypt towering above me, butterflies flitting about my head as the honeyeaters sing me a happy tune…

Alas, this is not the case.

Although that describes what is outside my window moderately well, I would feel quite a TOOL sitting cross-legged on the ground beside a rather busy road which connects several bus routes, with a laptop balanced precariously upon my thighs. (Nevertheless, I would greatly admire any individual who did have the cajones to do this.)

I am, of course, at my desk indoors so I haven’t the earthliest idea where my little winged friend has come from. He did not alight upon my keyboard; he dropped like a mini-bee-bomb, *plop*, and then stumbled about.

I am rather fond of bees. Although, I’ll admit to being a complete wuss about them as a child. (Quite rightly too, as when my arm firmly landed upon one whilst playing in my grandparents’ pool - they had a farm; it was scary; it had bees, snakes, large horses and too many rules at the dinner table - my arm promptly swelled to the width of a rugby player’s neck/head …same thing.)

I am a mature adult now (no snickering please), and I find watching bees quite relaxing. This did not mean I was going to let it stagger about my keyboard whilst I typed delicately around it, however.

Now, I don’t smoke, (so no durries, or even a smidgen of bud, in the place). But, I thought, at a time like this a lusty lungful of smoke would be just the thing to placate this bewildered bee.

Genius that I am, I lit an Orange & Clove stick of incense, which assisted in calming my nerves, and the zesty orange simultaneously kept my senses alert for any sudden bee-moves. I aimed the smoke at the bee (whilst trying to prevent the ash from dropping on my laptop).

Little bee shook his head about quite a bit at this new challenge. Maybe I should have lit a more sedative-type incense, such as Lavender, I thought. But no fear, I loosely lifted him up in a rag and carried him outside (placing him somewhere high so the ants wouldn’t end all my humanitarian work by slowly eating bits of him before he gathered his wits to fly again).

Hopefully, he’s now a happy bee.

(I, eventually, took that break… and had a beer – how apt if it had been a Beez Neez instead of a Corona; oh well.)


Finally, regarding those chairs for the dainty derrieres of Howard’s cabinet:

“John Howard is hitting taxpayers with a $250,000 bill for a set of luxury leather chairs for himself and his Cabinet colleagues. The chairs may also be supplied with sheepskin covers for added [butt] cushioning. … 56 luxury chairs, each costing $4464.”*

No wonder he can’t afford his dining room… with soft seats and $4million a week ($111 million total) on advertising (but not political advertising..…**).


Howard is on the lookout for bunnies:

“John Howard has told a meeting of Liberal and National MPs the polls show Labor would win emphatically.

He has warned if they are expecting him to pull a rabbit out of a hat, he does not have a rabbit.”


* ‘butt’ added by blog author. But it (butt) had to be said.

** What?! So it’s encouraging people to adopt a cat? …to be kind to their mothers? …to get ‘Ginger Ninja’ and his fellow workers – correction: ‘hobbyists’ – paid more than $50 for their Friday Night duties on Big Brother??? (Jeez he’s a caring sorta guy! All this advertising for our needs AND taking care of his cabinet members’ behinds!)

(Bee pic from Birdchick)