Low on the Girly

You Are 28% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

I must say I was well and truly aware of my low-ranking girly status before this quiz. I do not traipse about in frou frou, pink and frilly girly attire, read Jackie Collins or purchase gossip magazines.
Yes, 'free spirit' and doing things my way sounds pretty right. BUT...

I AM NOT 'a pretty hardcore tomboy.'


Pretty: yes. *flutters eyelashes*

Hardcore Tomboy: no, no, no...

No.


...Do I protest too much?


Methinks perhaps I need to think about this.

Am I really a tomboy and just in denial? Let's examine the evidence - and comments from men or women trying to hit on me do not count (of course, I likely AM a goddess, but I shan't include that as evidence until it comes from a more reliable source. ie. will update you next week following my lunch date with Zeus).


Firstly, I don't enjoy shopping (a typical girly pastime). I usually only hit the shops when buying presents or when I've reached the stage where I'm near desperate for some items (eg. jacket, knickers, sweater, tiara). When it comes to needing such things I will do it all in one fell swoop so I don't have to return any time soon ...cause it's a pain in the arse!!

I also don't partake of a girly gossip, follow what's happening with celebrities or read many women's mag.s. I don't have conversations like, 'Ohmigod! Can you belieeeve what she's wearing!?' or 'Oh, she's such a bitch. She said... So I said... And then she said... Can you believe it?! What a moll! So I said...' etc. The only time I'm likely to come close to saying the former is when I see young lasses in skimpy attire waiting outside a club on a cold winter's night. Yes, how I look is fairly important to me (see, that's not tomboy) but not so that I'll freeze my arse off for it. I do occasionally suffer discomfort for appearance's sake in the wearing of heels, but these are not the kind of heels that make one walk like Posh. They may be high sometimes but it's important not to have them so spindly you can't run in them.

Hey. Surely my ability to run in heels makes me less tomboyish!

Or maybe not... Heels: girly. Running: tomboy.


Well, I don't leave the house without makeup, especially lipstick which I can apply sans mirror. There's some girly points. Plus I colour my hair, occasionally wear frocks and I lacquer my nails (although, I keep them short and think long nails are ridiculous).


Most importantly in defense of my lack of tomboyishness is that I am most often classified as ladylike. In addition, many have described me as 'regal' (must be the tiara) or similarly have compared me with Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn. Surely this means I'm actually rather feminine (or dead) - well hardly tomboyish at least.

Although, if this makes me appear too feminine and like some frigid society princess, I will add that I can cuss and swear with the best of them. Mind you, I probably don't swear as often as most - in public at least, at home may be a different matter: I admit to some influence from erstwhile beaus who have had 'potty mouths' (fuck that expression bloody shits the hell outta me. I mean Jesus fucking Christ, only silly cunts say fucktard things like that... wankers).

Anyway, when I do swear it tends to shock people, which makes me realise how very refined they must think I am. *adjusts tiara*


I can see some tomboy qualities in my childhood self if I think about it. I mean, I didn't play with dolls at all, didn't see the point. (Although, once or twice I played with a doll that could crawl... just to race her.) Plus, I never dreamed of weddings or babies. Never played families (was more into nurses and doctors, and kiss chasey... now why did that stop after Grade Two?! Is it too late to bring it back?). I did play with Barbie a lot though. Baby dolls I didn't know what to do with, but with Barbie I did. Man, she was a slut.

Tomboyishly, I also played with toy cars and made up race tracks for them. And the friend I mostly played Barbies with (in our games bosom-laden Barbie was always scantily clad and often sexually assaulted by one Ken, and usually rescued by another Ken; one or both Ken's would get lucky with her at some stage but would just as often get their ass kicked by Babs too, whether they'd rescued her or not. Babs never settled down, married or had babies in any of my games). Pre-parentheses I was saying, this friend and I would often climb trees, ride our bikes down stairs and jump off a roof or two. We would also play Charlie's Angels. This involved a lot of running, gun pointing, hair flicking, and hiding and spying on people - little did innocent passers-by realise they were evil criminals in our game... or that they'd just been shot.

This friend was more of a tomboy than me in many ways (that roof thing was her idea) but she was the one who had and loved a Cabbage Patch doll, not me. I thought they were silly.

So maybe I am a bit of a tomboy. I hated wearing frilly dresses as a kid... but... I adored anything off the shoulder. I hated dolls, but I loved my stuffed animals; grew quite attached to them and gave them plenty of cuddles. And yes my friend and I would climb trees... but once, when sitting in a tree covered in pink blossoms, we suddenly realised they were covered with hundreds of bees (hey, what's that noise..?) we screamed shrilly and girly-ran for our lives.


[UPDATE 1st AUG: Please don't think I actually give a shit whether I am girly or not. This is just an excuse for a lighthearted and hopefully amusing post. I honestly DO have bigger things to worry about. But, this is much more fun!]

...

Arrest these people immediately!!!

I'm guessing whoever designed this costume was suffering from some major post-natal baby blues...



'Oops' indeed. Subtle infanticide if you ask me.



Thanks to anna for link.

If the above outfit doesn't take your fancy you can always choose to dress your beloved offspring as a toilet. (You can be sure those happy snaps will be brought out for the 21st party.)

In reviewing the site I discovered parents also have the option of dressing their baby as a lobster, a suffocating looking packet/loaf of Wonder Bread, a packet of Junior Mints, a big bag of cash, or as a Little Trees air freshener.











Useful for subtle camouflaging of offensive nappy odours.

Mass Hysteria - Hail Florida

As you have likely heard, there is a new Catholic town in Florida called Ave Maria (why not English: Hail Mary? Well, the nearest town is Naples. La de daa! They're just all class in Florida I tells ya!).

The founder of Mass-central (our crucifix is bigger than yours) is also the founder of Domino's Pizza, Thomas Monaghan (the bastard - how many Hail Mary's has he had to say for THAT cause of mass-(pardon the pun) casualties!? Thou shalt not kill, no, not even slowly via encouragement of over-consumption of excessive amounts of saturated fat. And surely Beelzebub had something to do with those death-by-chocolate brownies!).


In 2005, Monaghan told a Catholic group that Ave Maria's stores wouldn't carry contraceptives or pornography, and cable TV would have no adult channels. But he backed off when critics called it un-American and the American Civil Liberties Union of Florida threatened to sue.

Apparently violence on cable TV was fine. You may murder (ie. sell artery-hardening pizzas) but you cannot be encouraged to have sex or even see the naked splendour of God's creations. However, you are allowed to partake of the act of 'knowing' someone, as long as you suffer God's punishment for such: children.

Now there is to be: no adult stores or topless clubs. The developers say cable TV won't be restricted and they'll merely suggest that merchants not sell contraceptives or porn.

In addition: The Catholic university bans the sale of condoms and warns that premarital sex can be grounds for expulsion.

Golly. That could reduce the uni's income somewhat...


On ABC news today I heard one devout Catholic who was moving to Ave Maria announce that if - heaven forbid! - a gay couple or a person covered in tattoos moved-in next door, he would move... again. The man sighed in frustration as he explained this was the reason he was moving this time.

Let us pray that the town is surrounded by an alligator-infested moat and large fuck-off gates... which can be locked from the outside.

2 Cheap Shots & Rudderless Rudd

Well, it looks as though someone didn't enjoy the latest Harry Potter...

ALEXANDER DOWNER, FOREIGN MINISTER: Yeah, I've flicked through it, yeah. I don't think it's much of a book, myself. I'm very disappointed. I thought it might be, might be a little more sort of insightful. I mean, I know there's been a little bit of controversy and media excitement about it, but - look, at the end of the day though, that's, that's fair enough.




What? Johnny's biography? Oh.

********

And [obligatory PM ribbing], Howard didn't think much of his Perth trip.


[/end cheap shots]

********


But, more seriously, what's with Rudd lately?

Jeez mate, I plan on voting for you, but you're not making it easy. Could you come up with some original thinking, take a strong and independent stance on a few important issues, and maybe save some trees while you're at it instead of scrounging for votes (funny that Peter Garrett was nowhere to be seen in Tassie, eh)?

John Howard and Kevin Rudd are spending a lot of time these days in furious agreement.

The Labor leader says he supports the Government's position on Tasmanian forests, on Dr Haneef and on Aboriginal affairs intervention.

On the detention of Mohammed Haneef:

KEVIN RUDD, OPPOSITION LEADER: On the action taken by the Immigration Minister, based on the information we're, we support his decision.

M BRISSENDEN: On Tasmania's forests:

KEVIN RUDD: TCFA is the most critical framework for the future. When Mr Howard was here recently he locked in behind it and said that was his framework for the future, to provide certainty for this industry. I am with him 100 per cent of the way.

MB: And on the national emergency in Aboriginal affairs:

KEVIN RUDD: Of course, as you'd be aware Dennis, we the Opposition have provided in principle bipartisan support for those measures.

And ...the Labor-led states are the ones sticking their necks out on what might be considered sensitive political areas.
Peter Beattie today called for a Senate inquiry into the AFP's handling of the Haneef matter, for example.


This is so frustrating!

I'm just hoping he's saving-up all the good stuff for closer to the election. Wanting to make an impact then (please, please, an IMPACT, yes!!). Do you thinks?

Janette: "enormous influence"

For Boo (a girl with good ideas)...


Janette passes on the secret:



"Honestly dear, it's quite simple. I just grab his balls thusly..."



(The Age: "Revealed: the steel hand of PM's wife" Photo by Chris Lane.)

Howard: Dodging and Weaving

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Well, the 7.30 Report was highly amusing tonight. From the way Kerry was chuckling by the end of it I think he got more of a laugh out of his interview with PM John Winston Howard than I usually do! (I love 7.30's political interviews and often view them as pure comedy, all the dodging and weaving, it's like a cerebral game of tag!)


KERRY: Peter Costello thinks your record as Treasurer was poor ... and [your] pattern of spending your way out of trouble as Prime Minister.
Can you understand why he would have done this knowing it would be published ... in the shadow of an election?

HOWARD: Kerry, [f*ck that] I'm not going to comment on those matters. They are matters for others to comment on.
Rambles on about his stewardship, I'm great, blah blah, Libs = me, great; Labour = unions, baaad, and repeats 'stewardship' enough times to have me picturing him in shiny white suit and cap as Captain Stubing.































KERRY: ...what does it say about Mr Costello's political judgment that he would allow his personal feelings about you to potentially jeopardise your chances of winning the next election?

HOWARD: Kerry, I think others are to speak of their personal feelings.

KERRY: You mean him?

HOWARD: Well, others. ... blah blah blah, economy, blah surplus after surplus after surplus... blah blah, I'm so great, etc... Hey! *points* Look over there! What's that?!!!













KERRY: On your day to day political skills, [the book says] Mr Costello... "chose to remain silent on the question of Howard's ability to govern for the future as well as for the present."

HOWARD: Kerry, I'm not going to comment on that. I mean, that's the author's observation

KERRY: Well then how about this, there's another point...

HOWARD: I wasn't there. Kerry, we're not going to play that game. I prefer tag.


Dodge weave, dodge weave...













KERRY: Except that you were very cooperative on the book ...

HOWARD: I was prepared to talk to the two authors. .... I was prepared to talk and I'm not sorry that I did, 'cause we do live in an open society and if people want to write books, good luck to them.
But equally if the subject of that book chooses not to make a comment on the author's comment, then good luck to him [me].
This really is a bit [of a pain], I'd rather deal in [dodging questions] the substance of what concerns people for the future. [trying to convince people to vote for me and ignore my sorrowful and bitter Treasurer]

KERRY: I would suggest to you that the true and honest nature of the relationship between you and the other most important person in your Government would be a point of intense interest for people concerned about the future of the country?

HOWARD: I agree with that and if you want, in the words of Christopher Wren, I'm making no sense at all now, er, did I mention the economy? if you want some evidence of that look around you... [waves arms, wiggles his eyebrows, does a little tap dance...]





KERRY: You see, [I will spell it o-u-t f-o-r y-o-u...] some of the quotes I'm putting to you are Mr Costello's personal judgments about you and your record and ... they're not flattering.



HOWARD: *clickety-clack... soft-shoe shuffle... tips hat* Ta daaa!













HOWARD: Kerry...

HOWARD: Kerry, I didn't

HOWARD: Well, Kerry I didn't

HOWARD: ...But hello ... *waves*

HOWARD: I don't choose to comment on that. [Hey, look! Behind you! Behiiind yooou!!!]

HOWARD: Kerry, as I say, they are not matters on which I am either competent or willing to comment.

*shimmy... twirl*













KERRY: [...]"You can trust me on interest rates," you said. Now Mr Costello has put on the public record in the shadow of this election that you had a poor record on interest rates and inflation. How helpful is that?

HOWARD: But Kerry, the relevant thing is the attitude of the public. When I spoke...

KERRY: You don't think your Treasurer's attitude is relevant?

HOWARD: Well, I am a servant of the public and so is he, we all are and we are accountable to the Australian public [...]

Oh good grief! He is SO BAAAD at pretending to be humble... I don't know why he bothers. Stewardship, servant... next he'll be turning up at my door in his Captain Stubing/butler uniform to offer me tea and to give my shoes a spit and polish! (No worries Guv'nor.)







HOWARD: Of course people have a right ... to say to the Government, "It's our money, will you please return it to us by good expenditures or by tax cuts, don't horde it for no purpose." Of course, it doesn't mean I'll listen to them! *heh heh*
*wiggles hirsute brows in a cheeky manner*


Yes, we really believe this polite, I'm-only-here-to-serve attitude when he has never ONCE invited his closest work colleague over for dinner... "Perhaps it's a Sydney thing," Mr Costello muses as he sniffles into his hanky.


Kerry concludes the interview: "Mr Howard, at the end of all that I'd still love to be able to read your mind on what you're really thinking". *chuckles*
ie. Mr Howard, at the end of all that BS, I still don't believe a word - but jeez, it gave me a damn good laugh you cheeky sod you. *wipes tears out of his eyes*


***************************


You know, after hearing Costello's comments today - and recalling how Howard fucked him over this time last year* - I think I felt just a small shiver of pity.
Well, mayhap it was merely a shudder of revulsion...

But (and am I the only one who sees this?) I think he has more charm than Howard... (Actually, that's not really saying much is it?)
I reckon if Costello milked this for all it was worth he might, although it's very late in the game, have a (slim) chance at taking leadership.

What do you think?


(And, of course, all this is just making things even easier for Labour. They just have to sit back and watch; let Libs dig their own hole.)

* JANETTE HOWARD: You talk about a whole lot of things when you're trying to convince people to do things, but you don't go back and honour every single one of those unless you have made a firm commitment about it and John wasn't making firm commitments.
No kidding!

***************************

In conclusion; I think I can imagine tomorrow's cartoons:

JOHN HOWARD: Well, Kerry I remain of the view that if I went under a bus overwhelmingly the most competent person to take my position would be Peter.


*hee hee*

We might REALLY see some dodging and weaving then...

(Can't you just picture Howard jogging across the road in his green tracky-dacks? And... looming in the distance... with a crazed-Costello... white-knuckled and crouching over the wheel...)

My Box... Vacant & Vacuous*

Tonight, just to further depress myself about the ubiquity of airheadism, I put myself through the mind numbing drivel of 'Victoria Beckham Coming to America'. All about her moving to LA, finding an assistant, a house, driver's license... real exciting, life-changing stuff like that.

I had planned to watch the movie 'Taking Lives' but the Weekend Australian Review was wrong yet again so I put down the reading of Airheads just to turn on the box and watch some airheads.

I don't know why, but I am still surprised by the existence of so many shallow, self-centred people who are about image instead of any substance behind the image.

Really, they're just empty images. Big-spending cardboard cut-outs.

No wonder Posh managed to fool the paparazzi into following a blow up doll wearing her frock.


It's not that I think Posh is some horrible person, she actually was funny a few times. Mind you, anyone with a bit of take-the-piss type humour transplanted to the US is going to show up the Yanks quite easily.
However, I felt a little sorry for her American assistant who was often unable to spot Posh's humour.
Mind you. It's probably difficult for anyone. For example, Posh proclaimed that no animal products ever enter her temple, gesturing to her skeletal frame. Then when asked if she liked shellfish, 'Yeah, I don't mind them.'

When studying for her driving test Posh asked what an 'intersection' was. Oh, like a crossroads! You're going to have to translate this into English for me.
For the test she had to sign a form: Sign this please.
OK. Who shall I sign it to? ...
Er...
Oh! You just want me to sign it...
Plus, she couldn't remember three words regarding what to do in an earthquake after a specialist has just repeated it over and over for her (Duck, cover, hold). Um, duck... er... (puts hands over head and looks aside to entourage for clues).

Again, you aren't sure if she's joking when she arrives at a children's baseball practice - in her usual high heels which deform her walk into an awkward, cramp-inspired shuffle (her legs are never straight, they must be like Barbie's, permanently in a crooked position, toes pointed) - narrating: There were all these 'little people', and I thought, gosh, how far away are they? They're so small. Then I realised, oh, they're children!

She - scarily - has children of her own, so you'd hope she could recognise them, even when 'out in the wild' like that...

She has a permanent entourage glued to her side the entire time. After three weeks of them doing everything for her she happily boasts, regarding the move to the US: I've made this transition on my own.

And she made her way through the tough times, ie. feeling homesick, by shopping (oh, surprise) which she pronounced to find 'therapeutic'.

Throughout her shopping sprees she classifies everything as 'major'. Wow, that's major. When she attends a neighbour's tea party the women are major and one, who called herself The Little Mermaid and makes a loud, piercingly shrill 'mermaid call' which sounds like a rabid dolphin set to attack mode (if there were such a thing... you get the idea) had a 'major blow wave'. Which actually was quite an apt description. Not only did her face lie in repose of a permanent shock but her hair matched it, as though, just as a violent car accident occurred... the wind changed.

All the women at the tea party - little partaking of tea but much imbibing of liquor - appeared to have shopped for their faces at the same salon (obviously collagen lips were going 20% extra free! that day); their hair too. Posh has never looked so natural as when she sat amongst them (surely that gives you the picture).
It really was the tea party of terror if you ask me.

Maybe Posh understands this however. As she says, It's exhausting being fabulous. (Oh the poor dear, doesn't your heart just bleed?)


My tv viewing was made worse by the commercials of course.

Being a serial channel flicker I usually miss the ads - that's the point actually, if I don't flick I quickly hit MUTE. Most ads are hugely insulting to me, two tonight caught my eye however. They both spoke serenely and lovingly of the beauty of life, how we must live it to the full. One showed me images of colourful cartoon-like Mayflies, living their short but wonderful lives, wonderful because they lived in the moment. I was told that, like them, I should 'Make the Most of Now...

Vodafone'.

Yup. The link there's OBVIOUS...

Thanks for the lovely life-affirming message Vodafone. It worked. I immediately grabbed my mobile, and firmly switched it off (after giving it a brief cuddle of course, as indeed I am with Vodafone and I so appreciate their concern for my well-being). Now I can live my life fully and embrace it's beauty without being distracted by the harassment of phone calls!

I mean, the Mayflies looked bloody happy and I didn't see them yakking away with a mobile phone pressed to their colourful little heads.

The other ad with messages of the beauty of life, initially appeared to be concerned by the water shortage. It was full of images of people frolicking in water - rivers, beaches, smiling faces, the narrator was noting that 'Every Drop Counts'. These people looked so happy though. Look they were surrounded by water, even drinking it! What drought? Tra-la-la! This ad also wished for my happiness. It concluded by firmly advising me to 'Drink Positive. Think Positive.

... Mount Franklin'.

By this time I was thinking so positively that soon after I joyously switched off my telly. Who needs it!? I'm embracing life and thinking positive! Look at all those happy people surrounded by water! I wanted to be like them so I ran a big bath and splashed water EVERYWHERE reminding myself every drop counts, the more the better, think positive and make the most of now - the future and farmers can go to hell! We're like Mayflies, life's too short, enjoy! Spend! Buy! Shop! Increase your debt, die with debt (stuff the kids)! Life's too short! Wheeee!



Jeez. You just learn so much from telly these days.


* Yes, I mean it in both senses... (Yet I'm more disturbed by my tv viewing than the other which is going exactly to plan, thank fuck and lack thereof.)

Ducks for lunch

What an awful night I had last night. Could. not. sleep. This suffering of insomnolence was likely assisted by being subconsciously upset about the trials of the characters of the book I'd been reading.
I can't help it.
Surely I'm not the only one so affected by the trials and emotions of characters in books and movies (good ones at least... mind you, King Kong was a terrible film yet I still sobbed at the end - and not just because of my overwhelming gratitude that the whole miserable experience was finally over).

So, today wasn't going so well after such a night. Regardless the sun's shining, the birds singing (Perth weather is forever thumbing its nose at me it seems).

Anyway, just a silly little thing I suppose, but my day only improved once some ducks came to wander about my garden. There were three and they were gorgeous. Being lunchtime - no, I didn't eat them - I threw some scraps of bread out for them.

Following their search for these scraps in the garden they came up to the door and started quacking and grumbling a little. I stood in the doorway throwing them some more bread and watched from inside.

After a while one tilted his head and started a great carry-on, the other two listening intently. One replied with a few hoots and some vigorous nodding, then the three suddenly lifted up and flew away. Leaving me all the happier for their visit.

It's the little things.

[UPDATE: My little ducky-friends returned the next morning and they've seemed to settle-in. Suddenly I have a mild fear they will multiply and I will soon be known as The Duck Lady - my home will be the one with cars slowing and people pointing as they pass, tourists taking photos and visitors having to wade through piles of green duck poo to get to my door...
In addition, the place is being taken over by noisy lorikeets again as the bottlebrush is now blooming. Disappointingly, no parrots as yet have discovered the bird feeder, instead it is being over-run by nervy, bickering doves. 'Eleanor the Bird Lady']

Books & Movies

I'm reading four different books at the moment. Ridiculous, I know. I managed to get out of the habit of reading too many tomes at once, for several months now, only to lapse again. Tsk.

Anyway, one I'm currently reading is Australian: "The Triumph of the Airheads - and the retreat from commonsense" by Shelley Gare. It's good; I haven't read much yet but am enjoying it so far. Although, it's somewhat depressing to see, confirmed and detailed, how much our society is encouraging and rewarding dumbing down.

I cannot help but share an example with you (and will likely do this again as I slowly make my way though it).

Some of you may recall this (I don't, but then my memory has waned with my maturing years...) from December, 2005. Ms Gare quotes Barnaby Joyce in a Senate Inquiry re abortion pill RU486:

Senator B Joyce: "So if I shoot a woman in the abdomen and do not kill her, but kill the baby, I have not actually committed a crime."

Roslyn Dundas, for the Women's Electoral Lobby: "No, you actually have committed a crime by shooting a woman."
[p. 18]

God help us.

Ms Gare has been "writing about the rise of airheadism for almost a decade" the poor lass. It's so depressing. You laugh until you cry.

And of course, Bush is the best example of how being an airhead gets you ahead in the post-modern world (well that plus greed and corruption of course... And money...).

"I don't know why you're talking about Sweden," Bush said. "They're the neutral one. They don't have an army."
(Democrat congressman Tom) Lantos paused, a little shocked, and offered a gentlemanly reply: "Mr President, you may have thought that I said Switzerland. They're the ones that are historically neutral, without an army."
Then Lantos mentioned, in a gracious aside, that the Swiss do have a tough national guard to protect the country in the event of invasion.
Bush held to his view. "No, no, it's Sweden that has no army."
[p. 24]

Speaking of laughter, I saw a surprisingly funny film recently: Blades of Glory.

This silly-humour type of film isn't normally my thing (ie. I hated Something about Mary, and Meet the Parents... but I liked The Wedding Crashers, and Starsky & Hutch, so I'm not completely immune... thank God!), but I needed a good laugh and someone told me they wanted to go, so.

It was good! I laughed out loud quite a bit. I think it helped that I had watched a bit of ice skating in my formative years (and many of these skaters had cameos in the film). Visually speaking, seeing grown men in hideously tight and feathery/flowery/sequined/etc costumes is funny enough, but put these two men together in a routine and I (apparently will) laugh myself silly.


Also re movies, I have a query for you:

I have been considering going to see The Dead Girl. Has anyone else seen it? Do you recommend it? I'm afraid it will be a little dark and dreary for my current emotional fragility. Should I wait for the dvd - and improved emotional stability..? An 'ugly-cry', sobbing, hysterical, screeching breakdown in a crowded art cinema doesn't really take my fancy... (Especially after last time...)

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Top Ten WRONGEST Crushes

Boo has created this meme. And oh, the sha-a-ame!!

Can I begin with some reasonably 'right' crushes? They would be George Clooney (I have even heard straight men say if they had to be with a guy it would be George...), Michael Vartan, Clark Gable, Jeff Buckley, Gotye, and a couple of guys from Grey's Anatomy... well... ok, fine... about four of them.

Pretty close to shameful, but I'm not sure about 'wrongest', are Owen Wilson (wonky nose and all), Brendan Julian and a young gentleman on Supernatural (I began watching the show this year after I happened to see him and his younger, tv-show-brother sans shirts). Apart from his youth, this crush on Jensen Ackles is mostly shameful due to his earlier role on Days of Our Lives - that I even know this is also of some concern.

However, the man that's made me go weakest at the knees, my heart go pitter-pat and my body overheat so that I sit on the couch and fan myself like some old-Hollywood drama queen, would be Russian tennis player Marat Safin. Oh. my... But really he should be in the 'wrongs': his temper tantrums and dummy spits are quite off-putting. Although, all that swearing in Russian...



Enough delaying... May I just say that this was really hard. There are not many 'right' celebrities I've found attractive, so to recall the 'wrong' types I've had a crush on, however brief or shallow, has tortured my brain cells immensely. Made more difficult methinks by my subconscious desire to avoid the shame...

*takes deep breath* Let us begin with...



1. SHAUN CASSIDY

Yes! A Cassidy!
I must have been about 6 when I had this wee crush, as The Hardy Boys ended in 1979. And wow did I have to strain to even recall this! But suddenly his image appeared, violently regurgitated from the murky depths of my memory. I didn't even know his name.
But I'm thinking he may be to blame for me occasionally finding The Strokes' singer, Julian Casablancas, a bit of a honey... You thinks?













2. JOHN SCHNEIDER














Again returning to girlhood. Back in the 80s I thought him a real sweetie pie. Plus, my girly crush on him helped me to sit through numerous mind-numbing episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard. Other than him I only really watched it for the car (honest).


3. MICHAEL HUTCHENCE

Well, it seems kinda wrong now, but when when I was 15 it made a whole lotta sense. He was the only guy who got a few - well, maybe, er, *cough* 20 or so - posters on my teen walls. I even know the dialogue to Dogs in Space by heart due to repeated viewings (was R-rated but the video store guy never questioned me, guess he was just happy that someone was renting it).




4. RUPERT EVERETT

Clearly wrong as the man is gay and participated in Sydney's latest Mardi Gras.
But he may be having second thoughts about his 'gayness':
"I don't want to be carried out of a club wearing a tie-dye T-shirt and a cap on the wrong way around when I am 70".
And he may at least be available:
"Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game," he says.
"Now no one wants me. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. Who wants a gay 50- year-old? No one, let me tell you. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me."



5. BILL BRYSON

I first heard the adorable Mr Bryson many years ago on ABC late night radio when I wasn't well and couldn't sleep. His voice was divine (a mix of American and British) and his intellect and wit even more attractive. After that I sought out all his travels books and happily guffawed my way through them. Lovely chap. To have lunch with him and Terry Pratchett would be bliss, sheer jovial bliss.


6. FRANK WOODLEY

I found myself attracted to Frank (hey, it gets worse, there's a Dwayne coming up) when seeing him on Spicks & Specks. Again it's a man who can tickle my funny bone, but I think he's physically appealing too (yes, I admit it, he is free to tickle other things if he so wishes, there, I've said it). Although, not in character as in this photo of course. He looks better here (and not just because he's wedged in between Colin Lane and Andrew Denton).


7. HUGH LAURIE


I have been watching House this year. Apparently moody, mean, drug-addicted Americans do it for me cause I wasn't attracted to HL previously (with his usual British accent, and various silly voices on Blackadder, etc). Could it be the perennial stubble of beard?
Mind you, I have always liked him, it's just that now I find him attractive too. Along with millions of middle-aged American women I'm sure. Oh well. They'll agree with the next one too.



8. HUGH GRANT

*hangs head in shame* I only realised this recently. And oh Lord do I feel a cliche. Yes, I admit it, I enjoy some movies primarily because he is in them. I guess it's that naughty little boy thing he (always!) does. Oh, what a sucker I am. There, I have confessed. Just don't tell anyone, OK?






9. LAURENCE LLEWLYN-BOWEN

Well now. I've had one gay man, and now I have a man who really ought to be gay with his artsy-fartsy-ness, flamboyant dress sense, hair flicking and great love of posing. (Check out his website and you'll see what I mean.) When I was hooked-up to Foxtel I saw him applying his interior design skills on a British show, Homefront. I'm over this wee crush now, but I did find him somewhat compelling. I don't know, maybe I just believed what he believed: that he's the most gorgeous man who ever existed. But honestly, he had some rather marvellous suits and shirts. There's something alluring about a man who knows how to dress.



10. DWAYNE JOHNSON

Admitting a crush on a man named Dwayne must score me some points! AKA The Rock. Yes, a WWE professional wrestler. Does he make up for all the sissy men? Well, no. Not if you've seen him play a gay man in Be Cool (quite amusing too). Thankfully that did nothing for me (even with those tight, baby-blue polyester pants... especially with those tight, baby-blue polyester pants...). It was actually The Scorpion King. Yup. Beefcake. I am not immune.

Big Pig - Breakaway (from) 1988 (fashion)

When this song came out I was fourteen and loved it, loved the vid too. I can recall them discussing the making of it on Countdown Revolution. (But good grief, what does the 80's hair look like now?! I never even noticed back then...)

Anyway, last night I casually strolled into a frock shop and was assaulted by a hideous cover of it playing. Horrors! The indecency! (Mind you, BP's is likely a cover for all I know.)

Worse still, I look around and see I am surrounded by my 12 year old self's wardrobe! My discomfort expands as I comprehend that the majority of customers are only wee lasses themselves.

I'm not at all happy about today's fashions. Firstly they make me feel old (and whinging about them is making me feel even older!). Second, are they MAD thinking I will happily wear the same clothes I wore WHEN I WAS 12!!!?

Well, I tut-tutted my way out of there, and a few other more respectable stores too. Tsk, ballooning layering and leggings indeed. Why would I want to look 12 again? I just don't understand... *mutter mutter*

Well, at least Big Pig never had trouble deciding what to wear...

Less Blue, More RED!

So, what’s been happening...

1. Just saw Mick Malloy blowing chunks as he listened to Paris read poetry. Good God was that embarrassing! No, not publicly acknowledging my status as sole viewer of The Nation - hey, that's the only bit I saw - Paris waxing soppy-lyrical. I really have no words… if only the same could be said for her.

2. To prove that I’m as good as any celebrity I threw my mobile yesterday… No, not at my humble, cringing PA… no, not at some innocent hotel clerk... OK, fine, guess I’m not up to celebrity standards. I just threw it across the room. It finally broke this time – my phone often cops a beating cause people keep ANNOYING ME through it! It also receives a surplus of evil glares (probably from callers too as people consistently have to leave messages lately – well I don’t bloody have to answer my phone if I don’t bloody want to!! Note: smashing phone in two is equally effective).

3. I had a lot of needles stuck about my person again. These ones really stung, kinda good though cause then I feel they’re going to work and I’m getting my money’s worth. The acupuncturist is focusing on my heart now. Apparently my pericardium is letting too much info through, overwhelming the heart and the heart is not doing its job. He compared the heart to the PM; is like John Howard he said, in charge, getting the rest of the body organised. He said it’s doing a shit job and we’re going to replace it (voting Labor this year are we?). It’s also empty (no surprises there if you’ve been reading my blog lately)! In addition I have little fire in my body. Redcap recently mentioned my lack of inner redhead when I complained about the surplus of blondes in my quiz results. So, to encourage my inner fire, my inner redhead…

4. I’ve dyed my hair. Very, Very RED. I wanted punk red. Extravagant red. It’s not quite as eye-catching as I’d hoped (he would have needed to do more bleaching than he did, and it’s tricky, etc) but it’s pretty damn bold and fiery which is good. Am pleased. Also got him to cut half my locks off while he was at it. It was about halfway down my back, now it is just above my shoulders, heavily layered and very stylish; swish! La. dee. da. Feels much better. I was giving long locks one last try (before getting too old!) but it really didn’t suit me. I looked a bit blah: there’s me… and then there’s my hair, like some separate entity. We each looked pretty good, but put together not so great...

kitteh understndz...